It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most psychological-adjustment problems the children are having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from bursting must be given a premium importance by parents who want to have a healthy, happy and successful divorced children.
First let us identify the source of most post-divorce parental conflict. It is only when we are able to identify exactly the source of most post-divorce parental conflict that we are able to stop.
It is said that building or maintaining regular communication with your 'ex' is one of the most important keys to successful divorce parenting. If there exist an ineffective communicating relationship between spouses, one may be left the other uninformed of the important matters relative to their children and thus often become the major source of new parental conflict.
Effective parenting after divorce requires effective communication. Even if spouses don't like each other, or disagree on many issues, they still have to work together as a team as far as their children are concerned. Both should know what's going on.
With stronger co-parenting communication, there will be less chance of misunderstandings and conflicts between the ex-spouses -- and a better chance of a healthy upbringing for the children.
Here are the five goals you can set to improve co-parenting communication:
1. Have a clear, consistent schedules and rules.
2. Keep each other abreast of any parenting-related developments or important issues.
3. Set an appointment to speak with your ex about any problems, then be polite but firm while trying to solve them.
4. Develop a trust level between each other.
5. Be civil and reasonable at all times.
To keep communication healthy, use these guidelines when you communicate in person with your 'ex'.
1. Be consistent. Make sure your facial expressions and body language are consistent with your words.
2. Relax. If your emotions become too overwhelming, learn to relax and breathe slowly or ask that the conversation be continued later. Leave if you have to.
3. Bring a friend. If in the past talking to your 'ex' has resulted in violence or verbal attack, take another person with you.
4. Back off. If your 'ex' is emotionally closed, back off. Keep on talking and explaining will get angry while your 'ex' gets irritated. Just wait for a better time or write a letter. Letters are a perfect option for communicating clearly and without emotions. They also allow the other person time to digest what you say.
5. Bounce it back. If your 'ex' attacks you verbally, reply, "I refuse to receive that. I need to be respected in this conversation and, if you're not able to do that right now, we should continue this later." Don't act snotty, superior, or self-righteous. Be kind. If your 'ex' continues to bait you into an argument, leave calmly and quietly.
Remember your children's welfare must always be your first priority. Think about the long-term effects on your children of everything you and your ex say and do. Follow the above goals and guidelines. Strive to improve your co-parenting communication then you can create the best possible co-parenting relation. Do all these for your children sake.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.
About The Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Discover the ways to raising healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorced. Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com; http://www.101divorceparenting.com
house refresh service Lincolnshire ..Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More
You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Despite the potentially dangerous side-effects of Ritalin, public school authorities... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More
As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More
The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More
Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
Do any other reality TV junkies remember a show on... Read More
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
licensed cleaning services Lake Forest .."Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up... Read More
Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More
The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment,... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
When my oldest daughter was born, I walked the floor... Read More
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
If you really want to get your children to eat... Read More
Along with eating healthier we need to be more active.... Read More
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More
Parenting |