Maintain Communication
Even though teens need to separate from their parents during adolescence, they also need to know that the safety net of home and family is always there for them. If the lines of communication are shut down, they are not yet capable of surviving emotionally; they need support and input. Let's take a look at a few guidelines for keeping the lines of communication open between parents and teenagers.
1. Pay attention to the small things along with the significant things. If you are generally a good listener, your teen will be more likely to talk to you.
2. When your teen talks to you, pay attention. Don't be doing something else.
3. If you can't pay attention right at the moment, explain why. Ask if you can talk about the issue later, at a specific time.
4. Ask questions for clarification, but watch out for coming across as critical. If your teen sees your questions as disapproval, stop asking them.
5. Expect your teen to change his mind frequently. Avoid commenting on the inconsistencies.
6. Express interest and encouragement in your teen's activities.
7. Accept your teen's opinions, even if you don't agree with them. Preventing High-Risk Behavior
All parents fear their teens becoming involved in high-risk behaviors such as drinking, smoking, and sexual activity. There are some very specific things you can do to minimize your teen's need to act out. Here are some tips for preventing high-risk behavior:
1. Be a part of your teen's life. If possible, be present when she is likely to be home.
2. Encourage your teen to talk to you openly at any time.
3. When your teen tells you things, watch your reaction. Avoid reactions that will cause him to think twice about being candid with you in the future.
4. Be specific about what kind of behavior you expect and what is unacceptable.
5. Keep harmful substances out of the house. This includes cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol. When teens have access to these items, they are more likely to use them.
6. Expect good things from your teen. Teens who know their parents expect the best have greater emotional well-being.
7. Encourage your teen to become involved in school activities. Those who are involved at school engage in fewer high-risk behaviors.
Preventing Teen Substance Abuse
Now let's talk about some of the risks that teens face. First, let's look at drugs and alcohol. These are a few things you can do to help your teen stay away from drugs and alcohol.
1. State your expectations clearly.
2. Pay attention to where your teen is.
3. When your teen leaves home, ask her to tell you where she is going. Ask for specifics.
4. If your teen says he is going one place but actually goes somewhere else, consider restricting his freedom for awhile.
5. Remember that your teen is innocent until proven guilty. Stay open to the possibility that there is a reasonable explanation for any story you might hear.
6. Build relationships with other parents and agree on the rules. If none of the kids in the group have complete freedom, there will be less peer pressure and more safety.
Teen Depression
Teens are known for their mood swings. It is common for them to feel sad or gloomy. Many parents become concerned about a teen's moods.
Depression is different from the blues because it lasts longer and is more intense. Clinical depression is an illness that can lead to very serious problems, with lifelong implications. Some of the warning signs that your teen may have something more serious than the blues are:
1. She shows less interest in her appearance.
2. She seems to feel hopeless.
3. He seems to hate himself.
4. He seems indifferent about most things.
5. She seems numb.
6. She lacks energy.
7. He talks or thinks about death and dying.
8. He changes his sleeping or eating habits.
9. She loses interest in her friends or hobbies.
10. She stops caring about her pets or cherished possessions.
11. He has a sudden change in his grades at school.
12. He complains of extraordinary stress.
13. She withdraws from people.
If you think your teen's mood may be depression, here are some things you can do about it:
1. Talk to your teen about how he is feeling. Help him get it off his chest. Encourage him to think of solutions to what is bothering him.
2. Encourage your teen to participate in some kind of physical activity.
3. Check in with her more often than usual.
4. If these steps don't help and the problem seems serious, call a school counselor, teacher, or doctor. Ask for a referral to a qualified, licensed professional who specializes in working with adolescents who have emotional problems.
Eating Disorders
Eating disorders affect more girls than boys during adolescence. They are emotional disorders that require the intervention of a health professional before they become life-threatening. If you think your teen suffers from either anorexia or bulimia, do not hesitate to seek the advice of your physician. Early treatment greatly enhances the chances of recovery.
These are the warning signs for anorexia:
1. She has lost 25% of normal body weight without being on a diet.
2. She has a distorted body image.
3. She diets constantly even though she is thin.
4. She fears gaining weight.
5. Her menstrual periods have stopped (this is known as amenorrhea).
6. She is preoccupied with food, calories, and eating.
7. She exercises excessively.
8. She binges and purges.
The warning signs for bulimia include the following:
1. She eats uncontrollably (binges), often in secret.
2. She purges by vomiting, abusing laxatives or diuretics, or vigorously exercising. She may also compensate for eating with strict dieting or fasting.
3. She frequently visits the bathroom after eating a meal.
4. She is preoccupied with her body weight.
5. She experiences depression or mood swings.
6. She has irregular periods.
7. She has dental problems, swollen cheek glands, or is bloated.
If you think your teen suffers from either anorexia or bulimia, do not hesitate to seek the advice of your physician. Early treatment greatly enhances the chances of recovery.
How to Build Your Teen's Self-Esteem
Having strong self-esteem is critical, especially during the teen years. This is true for the following reasons:
? Self-esteem is a significant factor in how each of us manages our life.
? How we feel about ourselves guides the choices we make, how we feel, how we respond to events, and just about everything else we do.
? Strong self-esteem enables us to make constructive choices for ourselves and others.
? When our self-esteem is weak, we tend to make choices based on what others think and want, rather than on what is really best for us.
You can help your teen build and maintain his or her self-esteem in the following ways:
1. Listen to what your teen is saying to you, in words and actions.
2. Ask your teen's opinion about things and accept it.
3. Ask why he thinks the way he does.
4. Remind yourself that your teen needs to differentiate herself from you. That is her job as an adolescent, and it is healthy. Allow her to do it.
5. Let him know that you love him.
6. Let her know that you will always be there for her.
7. Give him permission to explore ideas.
8. Don't be threatened when she expresses herself.
9. Encourage him to express his feelings appropriately.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
maide service in Park Ridge ..Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and... Read More
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More
Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More
All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More
Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs... Read More
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More
How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More
How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More
You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
It's among the top criticism wives have of their husbands:... Read More
after renovation cleaning Highland Park ..There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More
The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
How on earth can you help your family cope with... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More
In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More
Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Parenting |