As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. We do not accept improper communication as acceptable behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.
Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack, is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks away from their house, they pass the softball field where a game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home, you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and tries again. Still no response.
In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.
The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an environment where they have tolerated his lack of response to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of communication is acceptable behavior.
Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold.
If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of communication, here are some essentials to assist you in addressing the situation:
Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.
Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show them a more effective way to communicate.
Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in which you communicate to others. Children model adult behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of communication with your spouse or parenting partner.
Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with you child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.
Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
Olympia Fields cheap limo service .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareWhen my daughter was born, I must admit there was... Read More
Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More
The older my daughter gets the more it's sinking in... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More
I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More
Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More
What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
A certain educator was once asked at what point should... Read More
The time you will need to teach your children the... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child.... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
AD/HD (attention deficit disorder) is one of the most common... Read More
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More
prom limo Belle Rive ..Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More
It has been a long day. Home from work, you... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More
Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us,... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More
At the ADHD Information Library we are big believers that... Read More
I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie... Read More
Parenting |