As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. We do not accept improper communication as acceptable behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.
Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack, is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks away from their house, they pass the softball field where a game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home, you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and tries again. Still no response.
In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.
The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an environment where they have tolerated his lack of response to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of communication is acceptable behavior.
Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold.
If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of communication, here are some essentials to assist you in addressing the situation:
Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.
Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show them a more effective way to communicate.
Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in which you communicate to others. Children model adult behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of communication with your spouse or parenting partner.
Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with you child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.
Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
professional maid services Deerfield .."If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More
Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part... Read More
My daughters and I went to the beach several weeks... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
Many years ago, my children were raised on the various... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More
For every season, check, check, check, There is a chart,... Read More
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More
Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More
It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More
Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
quick home cleaning Lake Forest ..According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More
Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children.... Read More
My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More
Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More
In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More
Parenting |