Home
>
Parenting
>
How To Be A Bad Mother

How To Be A Bad Mother

As I sit here and reflect on the past two days and really the past two months, I am flooded with memories of the past and present. All of these thoughts run through my head and I feel so angry and resentful. Let me say I have been mad in the past few years but in complete honesty I haven't been quite this angry and at this point I don't know how to begin the healing process. I am back down that road of self- awareness and concern. See this is the thing, I become angry about my raw deal and the way I have been treated but then it doesn't end there, this is what people don't get about me. I get angry at those who hurt me but then I also turn around and become more angry with myself for not knowing better. I refuse to listen to that inner voice that usually carries me through every hardship in life, I push it to the side and then I think there is no way you can have all this anger and a relationship with God. That will usually get me through every thing I have to go through but this time I feel it penetrating to my soul.

I am angry at everyone. That brings me to memories of my mom. I sit here and rehash so many things from the past and then I think of my relationship with my mom. I am angry with my mom, can I say that again? I am angry with her. I am angry because I feel I have no relationship with her, and to be quite frank this was the start of this anger. I do know that. Now friends that are reading this, I know I should've come to you and told you these things but it was something I had to go through on my own this time, but I am willing to share with you now and a lot of you know the story behind this, though you weren't aware of the extent of my feelings at this time.

My mom was a good mom growing up before my dad left. I mean we had some issues with boyfriends, hers, and other minor things back then and I held a grudge then and let it go later on. I think right now my problem isn't with her in the past, my problem with her now is the present. Sometimes I feel very alone, this is one of those times, but yet in the back of my mind I know I am not because I have special, very special friends who help me through every thing and I mean everything, and they remind me every single day how much they care. My family is great but you have probably noticed I talk very little of them and talk a great deal about my friends.

Yes, I am angry with my mom. Why is the question. I am angry because my mom is not my mom. I mean she is more of a friend than a mother and always has been that, and I resent any motherly advice or comments. I feel if you wasn't what I needed back then do not bother now. So she is my friend. I sit and write these articles because this is my therapy, if I didn't write to get it out I would be a very miserable person, you thought I was going to say crazy didn't you! See "So Now I Am Crazy & Psychotic", great little article! Back to my mom.

You know my mom is now married has been for awhile, I mentioned it before. Her husband hates my brother and I., always has, he is one of those men who can not accept another man's kids, but him and my mom fit perfectly because she can't accept another woman's, just ask my step sisters, they could tell you. My mom always chose men over her kids and that, to this day, is the most important thing to her.

Let me tell you why I am so angry. I am not aloud to visit my mom. No one in my family is especially my brother and I. My brother and my mom have virtually no relationship. I am not aloud to call on the weekends. I am not aloud to call in the evenings when he is home. When I am talking to her on the phone and he walks in, she has to go. This is her choice. He treats her like crap she takes it for whatever reason, money etc? He never says a word to my face and doesn't acknowledge my existence other than to complain about me, and he has made comments about my kid which really sets me off. My mom has been there for me financially but emotionally no. I feel and expect her to take care of certain things because that is all she ever did, which now brings me to my next subject.

I am a bad mother. My biggest and greatest fear is that Dakota will one day walk up to me and say, I never really had much of a relationship with you, You did all these things to me and you were a horrible mom". I think about this a lot. One thing I prided myself on was being a semi decent mom but now I am doubting that. I have been so angry lately and I know I have taken it out on him. I have yelled at him, I've lost my patience with him. I have even questioned him in regards to his dad, with him getting angry at me and walking away. I feel horrible about that but then I take a look back and see all the mistakes I have made along the way.

I can tell you I am not the best mother in the world. I have argued in front of my son, I have been in physical confrontations in front of my son. I have called people names in front of him. I have watched shows on TV that were more than likely inappropriate for a kid to watch. I have told him I was going to send him to his dad's to live before. I have said, quit being a baby. I have cussed in front of him. I have told him to shut up. Losing patience is the big one and yelling. I have talked about personal things on the phone in front of him. I could go on and on. I am a bad mother, but the worst thing I ever did was leaving him one time with his dad, to go to Arizona with no clue as to when I would return. I did come back a few days later but when I left I didn't know how long I would be gone. I also have had to leave him with his dad when I had to move and had no where to go.

His life with me has been unstable to say the least. I am a bad mother. I have put my child second many times. I get angry with people and he gets the bad end of the deal when it comes to that. I am a bad mother. I have to say my ex husband has been Dakota's consistent and constant. I guess he does have a reason to be angry with me. Dakota definitely does and I know in the future we will be having this conversation and I don't know or have the tools to try to change it now. I have told him I am sorry for things after the fact. I have said that I am not a very good mom, and I have no excuses. I have none.

Dakota is such a blessing. He is the one I would live and die for, but you wouldn't know it by my actions. He is a gift and I realized that long ago when he was born. He is a good kid but I have no idea why, it must have been his dad's doing because I don't think it was mine. This is not me feeling sorry for myself, this is me feeling sorry for him and others around me. I always think back at all my relationships and the significance of those and what I contributed good and bad. I always get to a point where I can let go. I always blame myself in part when they fail. I end up feeling like it is me, and maybe it is.

I can be closed off and even a loner other than my friends. I think I get that way with Dakota sometimes. I think I look at him and see this person that I love more than anything and anyone and think, as much as I love him, he will grow up one day and he will look at me the way others do, and I know I am not going to be good enough. He will turn his back on me and then I will have lost everything. I will be alone then. I know I do that and the kid is 7 yrs old, but I am already thinking he is one day going to leave me when he can. This pisses me off!

I do not have a right to treat my kid in any way but how a child should be treated with love, most importantly, he needs to be cared for, to know his parents and family love and support him that they will always be there backing him and leading him, always there to pick him up when he falls, and to always just be. I guess maybe I am selfish.

I apologize Dakota and I promise you son from this day forward I am going to do better, me doing my best which I thought was good enough just isn't. I want the very best life for you I imaginable and it starting with your childhood.

I am so sorry for all the things I have done or haven't done. I am sorry you had to go through any pain at all in your life but especially for the pain I have caused and if you come to me one day and tell me of the things I did that hurt, I will do all that is possible to take a step forward with you and to keep on treading that path. I will also do my best from here on out to fix what I have done and to not do what I shouldn't.

You don't know how important you are to me and if you do know it is ten times more so then that. I need you in my life. I always wanted you and I always will love you. You are a gift, a blessing, you are the world to me. I am so proud of you. I am so happy to have you in my life and you make my life worthwhile. My time spent with you is the best times ever. You make me laugh.

My life involving you has made me a better person and hopefully one day it will make me a better mother. I did my best but now I want more than that for you. I am so sorry. I do love you more than my own life and that love will never fade, never change, and you will never ever have to be second to anyone when it comes to me. You will never be an outsider and no one, not one person, would ever take your place in my heart. I love you more than words!

Vaughn Pascal

affordable house cleaning Wilmette ..

In The News:

Archer Aviation has acquired Hawthorne Airport for $126M to launch an LA air taxi network ahead of the 2028 Olympics, featuring AI-powered eVTOL operations and next-gen aviation tech.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Fake AI apps disguised as "ChatGPT" and "DALL·E" are flooding app stores with dangerous malware that steals data and monitors users without detection.

Fake buyers demand specific vehicle reports from unknown sites to steal credit card information from car sellers, but warning signs can help identify these scams before paying.

Android users can now manage apps across multiple devices more easily with Google Play Store's updated remote uninstall button in the latest update.

NASA's Perseverance rover discovers shiny metallic rock on Mars that could be a meteorite from an ancient asteroid, containing high levels of iron and nickel.

Holiday scams spike during Black Friday and Cyber Monday as criminals exploit your leaked personal data. Learn how to protect yourself from fake stores and phishing.

Commerce Department proposes TP-Link router ban over Chinese security risks. Learn how this potential prohibition could affect your home network and devices.

Hyundai AutoEver America suffered a data breach affecting 2,000 current and former employees, exposing names, Social Security numbers and driver's license information.

Washington court rules automated license plate reader images are public records, even when stored by vendors like Flock Safety, setting precedent for transparency.

Fake airline texts claiming flight cancellations are targeting travelers with convincing scams. Learn how cybercriminals steal personal data and credit card info.

Discover how iOS 26's new Adaptive Power feature automatically extends iPhone battery life by learning your usage patterns and adjusting performance intelligently.

New TikTok malware campaign tricks users into running PowerShell commands that download Aura Stealer, which steals credentials and authentication tokens.

Gaia Family offers fixed upfront pricing for IVF cycles with unlimited embryo transfers and financial protection, partnering with over 100 U.S. fertility clinics.

The Jetsons Act aims to position Pennsylvania as a leader in advanced air mobility by establishing regulations for hybrid ground-air vehicles.

Fake Geek Squad invoice emails are targeting users with convincing charges and urgent phone numbers to steal personal information and money.

Fox News Digital's artificial intelligence newsletter digs into a robot in Russia that faceplanted, George Clooney's alarm and OpenAI's rivalry with the New York Times.

Major data breach at Conduent exposes personal information of 10+ million people. Government contractor hit by cyberattack affecting Medicaid, child support systems.

Texas startup Janta Power raises $5.5M for innovative vertical solar towers that generate 50% more energy than traditional panels while using just one-third the land.

NASA's twin ESCAPADE spacecraft launched aboard Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket Thursday afternoon from Cape Canaveral, beginning their journey to Mars with arrival expected in 2027.

Learn how to set email reminders on iPhone and Android so you never forget to reply again. Simple built-in features help you stay organized and on top of messages.

Discover how Apple's passkeys revolutionize Mac security by replacing vulnerable passwords with biometric authentication and encryption for ultimate protection.

New survey reveals 78% of parents fear AI scams targeting their kids, yet nearly half haven't discussed these threats. Learn why this dangerous gap exists.

Chrome now autofills passport and driver's license info automatically. Google's latest browser update adds official document support with encryption and user control.

Scammers impersonate Department of Veterans Affairs employees claiming veterans owe money, but real VA communications only direct to VA.gov or official channels.

How To Be A Bad Mother

Parenting