Home
>
Parenting
>
How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out of town for a weekend. When a friend of hers called and I told her she was out of town, she said

"So you're home baby-sitting."

My response was

"No, I'm home being a father."

I'm sure my wife's friend meant no harm. It's just that I dislike the assumption that if a father is with his children without his wife, then he is baby-sitting.

Not so.

He is being a father.

It did get me thinking, however, about the role of fathers in our society.

I suppose that I am one of the lucky ones. My dad was usually there for me; I always knew he cared about me. He was easy to please and I knew he was proud of me.

I also know that there is a growing number of children who have never had and may never have that experience.

According to D. Blankenhorn in the book ``Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem,'' roughly 40 percent of American children will go to sleep tonight in homes in which their fathers do no live. Blankenhorn writes that ``never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers.''

That's strong language: ``voluntarily abandoned.'' It conjures, at worst, pictures of biological fathers who take absolutely no responsibility for a child or might not even know one exists to, at best, fathers that leave a family through divorce, disappearance or some other type of abandonment.

But what about the type of father who is there but not there? They might be physically present, but they're absent in an emotional, supportive sense.

I believe that there are many more of the there-but-not-there fathers than those that literally abandon their children.

First, the good news.

There have been improvements in the past 30 years. According to Time magazine, the time fathers spend with their children increased by a third between the '60s and the '80s.

In addition, according to Time, in 1973 barely a quarter of fathers were present at the delivery of their children, while today over three-quarters are there for the birth.

Now, the bad news.

While we have made significant progress, it's not nearly enough.

Here's just a sample of the work that remains.

Again according to Time, fathers spend only about two-fifths as much time with their children as do the mothers, according to three independent surveys.

Now here's the fact that shocks me - and to which knowing mothers everywhere will attest -researchers have found no single child-rearing task for which fathers bear primary responsibility.

There's something screamingly, horribly, terribly wrong here.

At the same time, there is more good news.

More and more parents and professionals are making exciting changes.

One such change is the DADS Family Project (Dads Actively Developing Stable Families) developed by therapists Larry Barlow and Art Cleveland.

According to Barlow and Cleveland, the program focuses on ``understanding the fathering received by the men in the group. We identify how to establish a safe and secure home. Bonding skills feature play activities and communication training. Also featured are effective discipline techniques and stress management.''

Barlow and Cleveland offer the following tips for fathers interested in fathering. I've added a few of my own as well.

1) First, an attitude shift is required. Fathering is not a part-time job. It is full time, both in attitude and in hands-on application.

2) To paraphrase Margaret Mead, ``the future of society rests on the learned nurturing behavior of its men.'' Get involved with the nurturing of your children. This includes bathing, feeding, transporting, and all the events of their lives. These are not just mothering activities, they are parenting activities.

3) Remember that fathering is a process not an event. A process requires time.

4) Consider how you were fathered. What do you want to do differently and what do you want to do the same?

If you have a child or children, then your challenge is to truly father your children, to be a father in the truest sense of the word. If you don't have any children, then find a fatherless kid who needs your attention.

There are people depending on you.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

top rated cleaning service Lake Forest ..

In The News:

Android users can now manage apps across multiple devices more easily with Google Play Store's updated remote uninstall button in the latest update.

NASA's Perseverance rover discovers shiny metallic rock on Mars that could be a meteorite from an ancient asteroid, containing high levels of iron and nickel.

Holiday scams spike during Black Friday and Cyber Monday as criminals exploit your leaked personal data. Learn how to protect yourself from fake stores and phishing.

Commerce Department proposes TP-Link router ban over Chinese security risks. Learn how this potential prohibition could affect your home network and devices.

Hyundai AutoEver America suffered a data breach affecting 2,000 current and former employees, exposing names, Social Security numbers and driver's license information.

Washington court rules automated license plate reader images are public records, even when stored by vendors like Flock Safety, setting precedent for transparency.

Fake airline texts claiming flight cancellations are targeting travelers with convincing scams. Learn how cybercriminals steal personal data and credit card info.

Discover how iOS 26's new Adaptive Power feature automatically extends iPhone battery life by learning your usage patterns and adjusting performance intelligently.

New TikTok malware campaign tricks users into running PowerShell commands that download Aura Stealer, which steals credentials and authentication tokens.

Gaia Family offers fixed upfront pricing for IVF cycles with unlimited embryo transfers and financial protection, partnering with over 100 U.S. fertility clinics.

The Jetsons Act aims to position Pennsylvania as a leader in advanced air mobility by establishing regulations for hybrid ground-air vehicles.

Fake Geek Squad invoice emails are targeting users with convincing charges and urgent phone numbers to steal personal information and money.

Fox News Digital's artificial intelligence newsletter digs into a robot in Russia that faceplanted, George Clooney's alarm and OpenAI's rivalry with the New York Times.

Major data breach at Conduent exposes personal information of 10+ million people. Government contractor hit by cyberattack affecting Medicaid, child support systems.

Texas startup Janta Power raises $5.5M for innovative vertical solar towers that generate 50% more energy than traditional panels while using just one-third the land.

NASA's twin ESCAPADE spacecraft launched aboard Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket Thursday afternoon from Cape Canaveral, beginning their journey to Mars with arrival expected in 2027.

Learn how to set email reminders on iPhone and Android so you never forget to reply again. Simple built-in features help you stay organized and on top of messages.

Discover how Apple's passkeys revolutionize Mac security by replacing vulnerable passwords with biometric authentication and encryption for ultimate protection.

New survey reveals 78% of parents fear AI scams targeting their kids, yet nearly half haven't discussed these threats. Learn why this dangerous gap exists.

Chrome now autofills passport and driver's license info automatically. Google's latest browser update adds official document support with encryption and user control.

Scammers impersonate Department of Veterans Affairs employees claiming veterans owe money, but real VA communications only direct to VA.gov or official channels.

The AltoVolo Sigma hybrid-electric aircraft flies 500 miles at 220 mph while operating 80% quieter than helicopters, featuring safety systems and compact design.

Google search scam alert: fake customer service numbers can give scammers remote control of your phone. Learn how to spot these traps and protect yourself.

Electric vehicles overtake gas cars in total CO2 savings after just two years of driving, with emissions benefits growing over time as power grids get cleaner.

Louvre Museum reportedly used "Louvre" as password for surveillance system during $100M jewel heist. Learn how weak passwords put even famous institutions at risk.

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

Parenting