A common theme over the past 20 years has been how much children have changed from when we were growing up in terms of how they show respect. I know that for the most part in the 1960's, anyone in a position of authority commanded respect which included parents, teachers, police officers, principals, bosses, coaches and anyone else we viewed in some way as a person in authority. We in fact were taught to "obey" and do as we were told; no questions asked. Many of those people did command respect but unfortunately many of them abused their position of power and felt they were licensed to say and do whatever they wanted simply by virtue of the position they held.
There are 3 components to respect; the respect you have for yourself, the respect you have for others and the respect you COMMAND of others. It is our job as parents to model and teach all three. Is it reasonable for us to command respect simply because we're a parent?
For our children to learn respect we first and foremost need to learn to show respect towards ourselves. How is that done? We show respect for ourselves but setting clear and concise boundaries, presenting ourselves to others in a way that says we respect who we are, honouring our gifts and talents and choosing to spend time with people that support and value who we are.
It's very difficult to command respect if we don't show respect towards others, including our children. How do we show our children that we respect them? Showing respect towards our children means respecting their privacy, saying "please" and "thank-you" in a way that they know we're genuine, accepting their likes and dislikes, showing respect for their style of learning, speaking to them in a tone that we would want to be spoken to, speaking to them at eye level and making a point not to demean them in public. It also means giving them our time when they need it and acknowledging their feelings.
Children need to witness us treating our partners, co-workers, service providers, neighbors and friends respectfully. One of the ways they learn to show respect towards others is by what they've experienced through us. How do we handle disagreements? How do we talk about others when they're not around? How do we address people? How do we respect people's individual rights? Children learn what they live.
By no means should we accept rudeness and disrespect from our children. We can always say: "When you can ask me in a more polite way, I'd be glad to help you." Children will often challenge us and say things to try and make us feel guilty so we'll change our mind. For the most part, it's wise to just not engage in any kind of power struggle just to prove that we're the boss. We can simply state our request and then walk away and resolve not to give in if we've decided that the issue is non negotiable. If on the other hand, your child has presented an argument that is worth considering, he/she deserves to be heard. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to change your mind but it may be that there is room for negotiation. If they've presented a good argument in a non-confrontational manner, they deserve to be acknowledged. We also have a right to impose a reasonable consequence if a child has displayed blatant disrespect. It clearly tells them that you won't accept the behavior.
Being able to challenge someone's opinion or point of view, I believe is healthy as long as it's not done in a way that undermines the other person's character. Do we want to raise children that never question authority even when it seems unreasonable, unfair or unethical?
Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach who has worked with parents for over 16 years. She presents workshops and seminars as well as works with parents privately helping them to find solutions to their parenting challenges.
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
604-524-1783
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More
Most of us when asked what we want our children... Read More
Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More
Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More
Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
Here are ten simple pleasures you can enjoy with your... Read More
Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as... Read More
When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question... Read More
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
When we consider that the word allowance means, "allowing for,"... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More
"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More
maide service in Buffalo Grove ..Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More
There are times when my ideas of raising a child... Read More
Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top... Read More
I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I... Read More
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
I know as a single parent or even with 2... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More
One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Parenting |