A common theme over the past 20 years has been how much children have changed from when we were growing up in terms of how they show respect. I know that for the most part in the 1960's, anyone in a position of authority commanded respect which included parents, teachers, police officers, principals, bosses, coaches and anyone else we viewed in some way as a person in authority. We in fact were taught to "obey" and do as we were told; no questions asked. Many of those people did command respect but unfortunately many of them abused their position of power and felt they were licensed to say and do whatever they wanted simply by virtue of the position they held.
There are 3 components to respect; the respect you have for yourself, the respect you have for others and the respect you COMMAND of others. It is our job as parents to model and teach all three. Is it reasonable for us to command respect simply because we're a parent?
For our children to learn respect we first and foremost need to learn to show respect towards ourselves. How is that done? We show respect for ourselves but setting clear and concise boundaries, presenting ourselves to others in a way that says we respect who we are, honouring our gifts and talents and choosing to spend time with people that support and value who we are.
It's very difficult to command respect if we don't show respect towards others, including our children. How do we show our children that we respect them? Showing respect towards our children means respecting their privacy, saying "please" and "thank-you" in a way that they know we're genuine, accepting their likes and dislikes, showing respect for their style of learning, speaking to them in a tone that we would want to be spoken to, speaking to them at eye level and making a point not to demean them in public. It also means giving them our time when they need it and acknowledging their feelings.
Children need to witness us treating our partners, co-workers, service providers, neighbors and friends respectfully. One of the ways they learn to show respect towards others is by what they've experienced through us. How do we handle disagreements? How do we talk about others when they're not around? How do we address people? How do we respect people's individual rights? Children learn what they live.
By no means should we accept rudeness and disrespect from our children. We can always say: "When you can ask me in a more polite way, I'd be glad to help you." Children will often challenge us and say things to try and make us feel guilty so we'll change our mind. For the most part, it's wise to just not engage in any kind of power struggle just to prove that we're the boss. We can simply state our request and then walk away and resolve not to give in if we've decided that the issue is non negotiable. If on the other hand, your child has presented an argument that is worth considering, he/she deserves to be heard. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to change your mind but it may be that there is room for negotiation. If they've presented a good argument in a non-confrontational manner, they deserve to be acknowledged. We also have a right to impose a reasonable consequence if a child has displayed blatant disrespect. It clearly tells them that you won't accept the behavior.
Being able to challenge someone's opinion or point of view, I believe is healthy as long as it's not done in a way that undermines the other person's character. Do we want to raise children that never question authority even when it seems unreasonable, unfair or unethical?
Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach who has worked with parents for over 16 years. She presents workshops and seminars as well as works with parents privately helping them to find solutions to their parenting challenges.
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
604-524-1783
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
To protect children's self-esteem or deflect complaints by parents, many... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey... Read More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More
You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More
Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More
It is human nature to feel competitive and envious toward... Read More
Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to... Read More
Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More
The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More
Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do... Read More
A great many parents are concerned that the electronic games... Read More
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve... Read More
(Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event)You have to... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More
Did you know that you are the most important person... Read More
What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More
If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More
Here are ten simple pleasures you can enjoy with your... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
There are many things to like about the television show... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing... Read More
It's back to school time again. Does the thought of... Read More
Parenting |