Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get the washer & dryer moved from the basement to a bedroom on the first floor after her mom missed the last step & broke her toe. Annie reassured them that she would make sure they would stay in their own home no matter what. Before she knew it she was fixing every supper for them at their home, taking care of the yard and cleaning the house on the weekend.

Then, Annie started to receive calls during the day at work. Mom had an accident with the car or Dad couldn't get out of the bathtub. She hired a home care aide during weekdays after she talked them into selling the car & accepting help for cleaning and cooking. Annie continued to promise her parents that they would live in their home forever. Her life was consumed with their care.

She hid a house key outside their home after the second time the EMTs called in the middle of the night because they couldn't get into the house for her dad who had fallen while going to the bathroom in the night & her mom couldn't get out of bed to unlock the door. Annie hired a nighttime aide. They now had help 24 hours a day.

After their phone was disconnected for non-payment, Annie finally realized that their mental capacities had degenerated, and convinced her parents she should take over their finances. It wasn't long before she discovered that her parents could not afford to pay for the current arrangements for long. She was surprised how little money they had put away and how small their monthly income was.

When she finally tried to discuss long term care needs with her parents, they were convinced that they were doing just fine on their own. They announced that they would stay right where they were even if they had to let the night time help go, which was of course unthinkable. It was at this point that Annie came to see that they had slipped into an unrealistic state, believing that they were independent and she had never spoken with them about the realities of aging and their possible needs for care.

Annie's kids claimed they felt like orphans, her husband threatened divorce and though her boss told her to take the time she needed, she was unclear what that meant before her job was in jeopardy.

Then, so suddenly it seemed Dad was in the hospital with pneumonia and the doctor said that a nursing home was probably imminent. Annie was exhausted, on the verge of a breakdown and faced with calling her brother who had had little contact or time for his parents for the past few years and lived a thousand miles away.

Like a snowball rolling down a hill, Annie's involvement, her parents needs and the resultant problems grew bigger and bigger over time. We never know the exact course of aging, so it is impossible to be sufficiently prepared for all unforeseen events, but some targeted pre-planning can avoid dealing with one crisis after another. Don't wait for a crisis to talk to your parents about their future. It may become too late before you know it.

As soon as Annie's parents needed the laundry room moved upstairs it was time to talk, as the situation usually doesn't get better. Aging is a process of loss & degeneration. It may be difficult to bring up such private matters, but the situation won't go away. Often it gets worse if we wait and our loved one's cognition deteriorates as it did with Annie's parents, who really thought that they were independent as she continued to reassure them that they would stay in their home.

We plan more for our young/old lives than we do for our old/old years. We may look forward to retirement and we specify an age at which that will begin, so we are clearer about the target and our desires. Old/old age is difficult to imagine and the specific age for which to prepare is slippery as it is more health than age related. Most people announce their desires for this age by simply saying, 1. they don't want to go to a nursing home, 2. they don't want to be a burden, and 3. they don't want to be in pain. But that's too vague and not enough direction for future caregivers. Have that talk with your loved ones the first chance you get. Create a chance to talk about old/old age.

About The Author

Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters coach and author of several products to assist families experiencing aging including the pamphlet, Don't Be a Burden: 100 Tips. Get free articles and information at www.sospueblo.com.

www.sospueblo.com

Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.
Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.
Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.
Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.
China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries
Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.
The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.
ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.
Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.
The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.
You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.
Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.
Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you honor our heroes with these powerful podcasts, audiobooks and documentaries this Veterans Day.

Why Mother?s Day is Important For Children

Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note... Read More

Quality Time with Your Teen

It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More

Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States

How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More

Stop Lying NOW

Do you have a consistent problem with your child lying... Read More

Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood

Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More

Beginning the Special Education Process

Like anything else in life, there's a method to the... Read More

7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money

Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More

My Teenaged Parents

Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More

What Makes a Good Evaluation for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More

Bullies

Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More

Life Stuck In Fast Forward

the woes of being a parent of an ADHD child.....Like... Read More

Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons

When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know... Read More

How You Can Help Your Child To Be An Avid Reader

Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More

Some Tips for Healthy Parenting

Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Self-Decorating or Self-Harm - How to Tell the Difference

Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More

Go Ahead - Make Dads Day

Throughout the year, many days of celebration are tucked capriciously... Read More

Promote Physical Fitness for Your Child

If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More

Saying No To Our Children

Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More

Picky Eater - Fighting the Good Fight

Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More

Sharing Books with Children

One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More

Why Scrapbooking Moms are the Secret Weapon in the War on Terror

There is a front line and a back end to... Read More

The Importance of Mothers

Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More

Parenting Failure? It May Not Be All It Seems!

I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More

Parenting

This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More

Antigo wedding limo ..