A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling office with her 10-year-old-daughter. The mother frowned at me and sat down. "Oh-oh!" I thought. "Why are you here?" I inquired.
"Jessica's been shoplifting. I want you to stop her." Jessica flinched then stared at her mother.
"What happened?" I asked.
Jessica, a soft-spoken child with short curly hair and dark brown eyes, proceeded to tell how she had stolen a pack of gum, a candy bar, and a plastic toy from the local grocery store. She glanced cautiously at her mother.
I asked her mother, "Will you please sit in the waiting room?" When she left, I turned to Jessica, "What were you thinking and feeling before and after the shoplifting?" From the things Jessica told me I found out that she had a hole in her heart. Not a physical hole, but a hole only her mother could fill. Jessica had stolen the articles to fill that hole. She thought snacks and toys would make herself happy. What Jessica really wanted was time with her mother.
Of course, a 10-year-old can't analyze her situation easily. By spending time with Jessica, I had to discover the hole in her heart. I had to find her core.
After a few sessions with both Jessica and her mother, we picked an easy way for mother and daughter to spend time together. They decided they would drink some bedtime tea and talk about their day before sleeping. Jessica was delighted. "I'll try," said her mother.
A year later Jessica's mother brought her back shouting, "Jessica started shoplifting again."
I asked Jessica's mother, "Do you still drink tea and chat before bedtime?"
"After working all day, fixing dinner, doing the laundry, I just can't fit it in," she said.
I understood the mother's problem, but I don't think she understood her daughter's need for closeness. I believe that parents love their children and want to raise them with strong healthy characters. I also believe that some parents feel either overwhelmed or don't know how to be close to their children. Jessica's mother fit both. Here's how the 3-D MAP helped her.
DISCOVER The first step on the 3-D MAP to character building, is to Discover your child's thoughts and feelings. Good parenting includes positive time together, time to chat, time to listen, and time to discuss problems. When you take the time to Discover, you need to ask nonjudgmental questions, and you need to praise your child for good thoughts and appropriate behaviors. When you take the time to Discover, you also are taking that first step toward building a strong healthy character in your child.
Jessica's mom had a golden opportunity to be that kind of parent. She missed it the first time Jessica shoplifted. After the second shoplifting incident, she chose to take the time to chat, to listen, and to Discover her daughter.
DECIDE The second step on the 3-D MAP to character building is to Decide what thoughts and feelings need improvement.
Jessica's mom found out that Jessica felt cast aside, and that she thought her mother didn't love her. Her mother discovered that just telling Jessica, "Of course, I love you," didn't work. Jessica needed more. She needed time with her mother. Her mother stopped her busy schedule to Decide to give Jessica the special time she needed together.
DEVELOP The third step on the 3-D MAP to character building is to Develop a plan to better influence the thoughts and feelings of your child.
Jessica's mom taught Jessica how to make salads and start the dinner. When she came home from work, they continued making the meal together. While sharing this task, they chatted about their day. Jessica's mother gave her more hugs, kisses, and praise. They also drank bedtime tea together. When a parent Develops a plan the results can be encouraging and positive. Jessica is a teenager now and she freely goes to her mother with her problems. Jessica doesn't shoplift anymore because she no longer has that emotional hole in her heart.
The 3-D MAP is a powerful parenting tool for increasing strong healthy characters in your child. By taking the time to Discover what and how your child thinks you can then Decide what needs improvement. After deciding what needs improvement you can Develop a meaningful plan to help your child become the wonderful person she or he was meant to be.
About the Author
Jean Tracy, Edmonds, WA, USA
jeantracy@kidsdiscuss.com
jeantracy@kidsdiscuss.com
Jean Tracy,MSS, invites you to build character in young hearts and growing minds. To raise your awesome kids with solid characters, sign up for her FREE Parenting Newsletter, and download her FREE bonding activities, parenting tips, and parenting articles at, jeantracy@kidsdiscuss.com
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carWhen a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
With the beginning of the new school year coming VERY... Read More
I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth... Read More
I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent... Read More
Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More
Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More
The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More
Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just... Read More
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More
Isn't the technology of today is amazing?! Between the speed... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal... Read More
"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything... Read More
The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More
Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with... Read More
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More
There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More
So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More
A certain educator was once asked at what point should... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More
There may really be a real monster under your kid???s... Read More
Parenting |