"Not another meeting!"
That tends to be the reaction from many parents when they hear the M word mentioned. Parents tend to associate meetings with the workplace rather than families. Even at work, meetings tend to be tolerated rather than keenly anticipated.
My research and my anecdotal evidence suggest that families that have a process to share decisions and to resolve conflict have more cooperative kids and less open sibling disputes. To be truthful, I stopped talking about family meetings in my presentations some years ago as people's eyes tended to glaze over when I mentioned the M word.
But I am now 'talking up' the concept as many parents I have worked with in the past have remarked how useful they were in turning their families around from Me-centred to We-centred groups.
Family meetings are a useful way of unifying a family and developing a shared approach to its organization. They are based on the management principle that children like a say in how their family operates and that they are more likely to stick to rules and decisions that they have had a say in making rather than those imposed from above. In many ways, this is stating the bleeding obvious but we need a process to make this happen. That is where family meetings come in.
Following are ten basic keys for conducting family meetings:
1. They must be regular. Weekly or fortnightly meetings are ideal. If a parent calls a meeting when he or she wants then meetings just become a vehicle for mum or dad to get their point across rather than a means for children to participate in family-life.
2. Start when at least one child is five years of age. Children need the verbal and cognitive skills to participate. This varies but maybe around five years of age seems to be a good age to start.
3. Have an agenda. All good meetings need a chairperson and an agenda. Meetings are usually for one or more of four purposes:
a) Plan for family fun
b) Allocation of chores
c) Resolving conflicts between people
d) Discussion of family issues, procedures and routines. Parents need to be the initial chairperson but share the job around as children become more skilled.
4. Avoid overloading the agenda. You don't have to slavishly work through all these areas. Two or three items may be enough and avoid the meeting from becoming a whinge session.
5. Have a talk sock. Have an object such as a sock or doll that the children must hold if they are going to speak, which teaches them how to take turns. The speaker, whether adult or child, must be holding the special talk sock.
6. Start each meeting with encouragement. Parents can model this initially by saying things like, "Thanks Marta for cleaning your toys away after playing with them this week. It was great have the family room so clean." This helps set a positive tone and teaches kids how to encourage.
7. Finish with a pleasant activity. A concluding game or a story will help reinforce a meeting as an event to anticipate.
8. They must be real. While meetings should be fun they are not a game you play with kids. You must be able to live with decisions that are made so you must be realistic about what is discussed and decided upon.
9. Short and sharp, not long and dull. Don't allow them to become bogged down. Keep moving them along. I know some meetings that have only gone for eight or nine minutes, but that's fine if objectives were met.
10. It is the process that is important. Sometimes meetings break down and decisions aren't made as they have descended into chaos. That happens but don't abandon the concept if nothing concrete comes of a meeting or two. It is the process of meeting and talking rather than the outcomes that are important.
Regular family meetings are a powerful means of improving relationships and building cooperation between parents and children. They provide the means for children to share and accept responsibility, participate fully in family-life and work cooperatively for the benefit of the group ? their family.
Michael Grose http://www.parentingideas.com.au
Michael Grose is Australia's leading parent educator. The author of six books for parents, Michael gives over 100 presentations a year to parents in the corporate, community and education sectors. His website http://www.parentingideas.com.au is full of fresh ideas to help parents raise happy kids and resilient teenagers.
Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareJust the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More
Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More
Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
Spending quality time with your children doesn't need to cost... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all... Read More
Antigo wedding limo ..The time you will need to teach your children the... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
Parents are always looking for ways to open up the... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More
In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More
You do what you can to keep your little ones... Read More
Spending quality time with your children doesn't need to cost... Read More
We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
Many years ago, my children were raised on the various... Read More
Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Parenting |