Home
>
Parenting
>
Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work, parents feel that they should be encouraging their teen to try hard and do well. The problem is that in trying to achieve this, many parents end up causing stress either for themselves, their teen or both.

So what causes this stress? Basically, it boils down to one key belief; a belief held by many parents and one that is reinforced by most schools.

To do well you must work hard

Consequently parents spend much of their time trying to get their teens to word hard. The sad fact is that there are some students who could work hard for the rest of their life and still achieve only mediocre results. And then there are other students who appear to put in very little effort and still do well.

This belief leads parents to think one of two things, either their teen is working hard enough or they're not. Either way, unhelpful stress can still be a problem.

If your teen is working hard enough

Usually the person who gets over-stressed in this situation is the teen. The parent's role here is to help their teen manage the stress. Beware of 'going over the top' in encouraging your teen; let them know that even if they don't achieve exactly what they want it's not the end of the world.

Remind them that there is usually more than one way to get to where they want to go and that you'll be there to support them on whichever path they take. Of course you can only do that if you believe it yourself.

If you are very fixed in your own beliefs about what's possible and what's not, then you're going to feel the stress as well. The danger here is that your stress will add to that of your teen's. To avoid getting in this situation, explore what other options are available in the eventuality that things do not turn out in the way you want.

If your teen is not working hard enough

In this situation the person feeling the stress is you, the parent. Most parents will try one or more of the following methods.

Giving advice

Many parents will try motivating their teen by telling them how important it is to do well in the exam, how having good results will give them more choice and they will have a better chance of getting a job/going to college. Alternatively, if internal exams are involved, the message is about doing well so they can get into the 'right' groups or sets next year.

This form of motivation is unlikely to work, as it is often too general. Teens have heard all of these messages before so why should they act differently this time?

Use motivation by tying it in to something specific, something concrete that they can understand and feels real. Find something that they are interested in and see if you can link it to what they need to do. Sometimes you can then use the concept of needing to do something you don't want now so that you can achieve this specific thing that you do want later.

Bribery/reward

Some parents will resort to a form of bribery or reward as a motivator; I will give you a certain amount of money for each exam in which you achieve a specific grade or something similar.

Unfortunately using a reward system in this way is often doomed to failure. The outcome is just too far away in time to be an effective motivator; teens need a more immediate way in which to receive a reward.

Consequently it's much better to reward them for the working hard part, rather than just the outcome. Set up a system that rewards them for the amount of time they spend studying. Ensure you agree on how the system works or your teen will just refuse to take part.

Ensure also that you have a way of checking that they are in fact studying and not just pretending. Let them know that this is part of the agreement and then spend time asking them about what they've studied. You don't need to do this every time, just enough for them to realise that you will check.

Control

Many parents attempt to force their teen to work by using a form of control; you will only go out when you've studied for 3 hours.

Unfortunately this process rarely achieves anything positive, as the old saying goes 'you can force a horse to water but you can't make it drink'. Similarly you can force your teen to sit with their books but you can't force them to take in the knowledge.

The main result of this process is a deteriation in the parent teen relationship and negative feelings in all concerned.

A form of control can be used successfully, one whereby you and your teen form an agreement about how they are going to study. This can be set up similar to the reward system above, but in this case you would also set up consequences if your teen fails to keep to the agreement.

Great care needs taking in using any of these methods. Understanding what's really stopping your teen from working is key to the success or failure or your attempts.

If at the heart of the problem your teen rejects the whole academic system then there is little that you can do to get your teen studying. And that means using a whole new approach entirely.

Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.

elite cleaning services Des Plaines ..

In The News:

Discover how Apple's passkeys revolutionize Mac security by replacing vulnerable passwords with biometric authentication and encryption for ultimate protection.

New survey reveals 78% of parents fear AI scams targeting their kids, yet nearly half haven't discussed these threats. Learn why this dangerous gap exists.

Chrome now autofills passport and driver's license info automatically. Google's latest browser update adds official document support with encryption and user control.

Scammers impersonate Department of Veterans Affairs employees claiming veterans owe money, but real VA communications only direct to VA.gov or official channels.

The AltoVolo Sigma hybrid-electric aircraft flies 500 miles at 220 mph while operating 80% quieter than helicopters, featuring safety systems and compact design.

Google search scam alert: fake customer service numbers can give scammers remote control of your phone. Learn how to spot these traps and protect yourself.

Electric vehicles overtake gas cars in total CO2 savings after just two years of driving, with emissions benefits growing over time as power grids get cleaner.

Louvre Museum reportedly used "Louvre" as password for surveillance system during $100M jewel heist. Learn how weak passwords put even famous institutions at risk.

Bipartisan AI jobs bill from Sens. Hawley and Warner would require companies to report AI-related layoffs and hiring to Department of Labor quarterly.

Joe A. from Shelton, Connecticut, lost $228,000 to a ZAP Solutions cryptocurrency investment scam after his divorce, highlighting rising online fraud.

AI-powered autonomous trucks from Waabi and Volvo target U.S. freight driver shortage with Level 4 self-driving technology and NVIDIA computing platform integration.

Survive flight disruptions with expert travel tips: Book early morning flights, download airline apps and know your refund rights during service cuts.

Apple's iOS 26.1 update delivers major security fixes, performance boosts and enhanced privacy controls for your iPhone. Discover why updating now protects your data.

Russian hackers use fake CAPTCHA tests to spread dangerous malware targeting governments and journalists. Learn how to protect yourself from these deceptive attacks.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Miami-Dade debuts America's first autonomous police SUV with AI cameras, drone deployment and real-time crime detection in groundbreaking law enforcement pilot.

Bank impostor scams cost Americans $2.9 billion as criminals use AI voices and caller ID spoofing to steal life savings. Learn nine essential fraud protection tips.

Foreign-owned apps secretly harvest personal data from seniors, making them prime targets for scams. Learn how to protect your privacy and stop data brokers today.

Sens. Josh Hawley and Richard Blumenthal introduce bipartisan GUARD Act to protect minors from AI chatbots through mandatory age verification and disclosure requirements.

Ghost-tapping scammers exploit wireless technology to drain accounts through small transactions, but RFID-blocking wallets and transaction alerts can protect you.

French pilot project demonstrates wireless charging roads that can deliver over 300 kilowatts of power to EVs while driving, potentially eliminating range anxiety.

YouTube's Ghost Network spreads information-stealing malware through thousands of fake videos offering cracked software, using compromised accounts and fake engagement.

Protect your privacy by disabling your smart TV microphone. Most TVs have hidden mics that listen even when voice commands are off. Learn quick steps to stop unwanted audio capture.

SessionReaper vulnerability hits Magento and Adobe Commerce stores, compromising 250+ sites in one day. Hackers steal data and hijack shopping sessions.

Master essential parental controls and digital safety tools to protect your kids online. Learn screen time limits, location settings and privacy controls every parent needs.

Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

Parenting