Home
>
Parenting
>
Dads - What Family Legacy Are You Passing On to Your Children?

Dads - What Family Legacy Are You Passing On to Your Children?

Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship with your child?

To begin, you can learn from your own father:

Whether you consider him to have been a good father or not, you can use your experience to become a better parent to YOUR children.

Patterns of behavior are often passed on unconsciously from one generation to the next. By becoming aware of those patterns in your family, you can make a conscious decision about which ones to pass on to YOUR children.

Ask yourself: what did your father do that strengthened your feeling of connection with him and made you feel loved and safe and appreciated?

Take a few minutes and think about those things. (Even if there weren't many, at least acknowledge what he did right.)

Write them down, and add to the list as you think of more.

Now here is the value of this exercise:

By doing those things yourself, you will strengthen the connection with your own child.

Did your dad have a way of greeting you that made you feel special?

Did he spend time with you? What did you do together?

Did he let you help him? Did he teach you how to do the things he did?

Think about how you can use those memories to nurture your relationship with your own child?

Now here is the tough part - (but your relationship with your child is worth looking at this):

What did your father do that pushed you away or made you feel shut out or inadequate or unloved.

I am not trying to open old wounds or cause you discomfort. I am hoping to help you avoid passing on those mistakes.

Make a list of those things as well.

Was it the way he spoke to you?

Was it that he was sometimes in a bad mood and that mood filled the whole house?

Did he discipline in a cruel way that made you feel fear or resentment?

No matter what your father did, you have the choice to follow the same pattern or to raise your children in a better way.

Look at your list.

Now think about what you can do to avoid making the same mistakes.

How can you speak to your child that will invite her rather than shut her out?

How can you create an atmosphere in your home that is welcoming and safe?

How can you discipline your child in a way that assures him that he is okay and you still love him?

You can learn from your own experience and give your child the things that you needed and did not get from your father.

Use your memories - not to be bitter and angry, but to become the best father you can be .

You now have the opportunity to create GOOD memories for YOUR child.

So how can you be the best father possible?

The answer is really simple: Just give your child the best of yourself.

Ask yourself - what do I have to share with my child?

Well here's a hint:

?your love and your time and your ideas and your unique, funny way of looking at the world and your love - oh did I say that already?

?and your wisdom - yes - you have a lot of wisdom - and your child will help you to tap into it more than you anything else in your life.

Oh, and did I say your love?

Use your love in everything you do.

Every time you talk with your child, do it in a way that is gentle and affirming - in a way that says, "I treasure you."

I am not suggesting that you let your child manipulate you or that you give into his every demand.

In fact, you do have a responsibility to set limits and provide guidance.

But today we are talking about your RELATIONSHIP - how you feel about each other and interact with each other.

You can create a relationship that is loving and safe and peaceful.

Isn't that the kind of family legacy you would like to pass on to your children and grandchildren?

Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."

For a free e-book, "How to Get the Best from Your Children," and for more information on how to create harmonious relationships with your children, you may go to: http://www.feelgoodparenting.com

? 2005 Patricia Downing

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.

car service from Midway Burlington .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a malware app called SpyLend is posing as a financial tool, hitting 100,000-plus downloads.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Clone Robotics’ Protoclone mimics humans with 1,000 muscles – too human for comfort.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson urges you to use Apple’s App Privacy Report to see what your apps are really up to.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how to smoothly transfer your data from an old laptop to a new one using cloud storage or external drives.

Kurt the CyberGuy offers tips to safeguard your personal information as scammers become more sophisticated with scam texts and other methods.

WeRide's unmanned electric delivery van, the Robovan W5, has 194 cubic feet of cargo space and can carry payloads up to about 2,205 pounds

Kurt the CyberGuy recommends deleting 16 browser extensions immediately in response to a report saying more than 3.2 million web users were affected by a security breach.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A robotics firm in China claims a robot has performed the world's first humanoid robot front flip, which is significantly more difficult than a backflip.

A digital ID may be even more secure than a physical ID. Storing your driver's license in your Apple Wallet is an ideal solution for commuters.

A cybersecurity firm has shed some light on just how common tax scams have become. Kurt the CyberGuy offers his advice for how to protect your refund.

Lifesize Plans offers immersive walk-throughs that allow customers the opportunity to tour a home's design before construction actually begins.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A man invested $4 million in bitcoin and lost it all with a single click when he was targeted by a vishing scam, which uses phone calls to trick people.

Expandable's Touchdown is a designer trailer that promises a luxury off-grid living experience and unfolds into a home in about 15 minutes.

Major employee screening company data breach affects 3.3 million people. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains what happened and gives five ways to protect your data.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals mind-blowing tech that gives you sunlight on demand.

New malware "FrigidStealer" targets Mac computers. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers four ways to stay safe from infostealer malware.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how lab-grown muscles power a biohybrid hand for scalable prosthetics and research.

Reports of task scams have significantly risen in the past four years, according to the Federal Trade Commission. Kurt the CyberGuy offers some red flags.

iPhones have a hidden folder that eats up storage without you knowing it. Kurt the CyberGuy offers some tricks to free up storage on your device.

A recent ransomeware attack targeted Zacks, an American investment firm, and a cybercriminal claimed to have stolen records for millions of customers.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Researchers unveiled a new soft prosthetic hand that combines the natural coordination patterns of our fingers with the decoding of motoneuron activity in the spinal column.

Accidentally deleting a text message on your iPhone or iPad is not a problem if you still need the message. Apple has a built-in way to recover it.