Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many times, however, either the children are in charge or the parents are so eager to be liked, that whatever rules and standards are talked about, few are enforced, especially on a consistent basis.
Children, whether they are two or 18, feel more confident when they know that you, the adults, are in charge and that their environment is predictable and safe. They need to be taught what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and what is unacceptable, what is appropriate, and what is rude and out of place.
Though they will get mixed or conflicting messages from the television, magazine and friends, they need you to set and enforce clear, respectful rules and limits. They need to know that you expect them to do and be their best.
By providing this guidance you will help them learn how to be responsible, contributing members of society.
Consistency in discipline is the number one factor in successful families: It is important that love, respect, cooperation and expectations are unconditional.
Consistent boundaries within the family are pretty predictable; for instance:
* They will grow up knowing that mom and dad must know the 4 Ws before they are allowed to leave with friends. WHO are the friends, WHERE are they going, WHAT are they doing, and WHEN will they be home.
* A child can count on dinner being at six o'clock or there about.
* They need to know that bedtime is 8:30 on school nights and that homework is done before playtime.
But sometimes in life, opportunities come up that make boundaries and rules flexible. A relative visits from out of town, so it might be okay for the kids to stay up till 9:30 one night to enjoy the experience. Rules can bend occasionally, but if they get broken, we are all in trouble.
As long as the family knows that in general, there is a structure that they can count on and limits to what is accepted and what is not, they will flourish in a system that gives them guidelines and direction.
Consistent boundaries and standards give a child and the whole family a feeling of security and safety. It is within this environment that self-discipline and life skills begin to flourish and develop.
When we, as a community as well as a family, give consistent messages to our children concerning dangerous and unkind behavior, it will be easier for them to forgo temptation to participate. It is our responsibility as adults to help them learn and live by the basic rule that actions have consequences.
Those children who develop a habit of thinking about the connection will be in a position of strength. Their choices will be immeasurably easier to make because they have been given a framework for decision-making.
Repair or rebuild the boundary, if necessary
I encourage you to be firm, consistent and kind in your discipline. It is vital to always follow through. Don't make threats, make promises. If you take away TV privileges the first time he doesn't take out the garbage, but ignore it the second and third time, he will soon learn that you don't always mean what you say. The child will learn how to be a manipulator, and you will still have the misbehavior to deal with. You are the adult, and so it is your job to repair the fence when it is broken or stretched out.
Boundaries don't fence us in but rather they allow us freedom to grow and develop, knowing that we are safe and loved unconditionally. It is never a guessing game of what will happen but rather a sure foundation.
You can do it. I believe in you. You are doing the most important job in the world, raising self-disciplined, thoughtful and contributing children.
? Judy H. Wright, Author, Speaker and Life Educator www.artichokepress.com
This article was written by Judy Wright, parent educator and author. Feel free to use it in your newsletter or publication, but please give full credit to the author and mention the contact information of JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com, 406-549-9813.
You will find a full listing of books, tapes, newsletters and workshops available on finding the heart of the story in the journey of life by going to www.artichokepress.com
home cleaning services Deerfield ..Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family... Read More
Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More
When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More
A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Travel is a common theme in my life -- probably... Read More
One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
recurring housekeeping Highland Park ..The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
This is the third and final article in a series... Read More
It's been raining for a week and the kids and... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Imagine you were the principal of the school that your... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
Homework. It doesn't have to be a daily battle of... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by... Read More
I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie... Read More
In the beginning, having children was just a byproduct of... Read More
You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More
Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part... Read More
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More
Parenting |