Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing children.

Recently there has emerged another type of parenting that, whilst never as harmful as underparenting, can be detrimental to children's healthy development? that is, the trend by many of the current generation of parents to overparent their children.

Overparenting occurs when parents solve children's problems rather than give them the chance to overcome problems themselves. It occurs when parents allow children to avoid legitimately challenging situations so they won't be inconvenienced. It also occurs when too much control or too much order is imposed on children.

Overparenting is predominantly a mindset. It is a belief that children can't overcome difficulties themselves and they can't cope with discomfort or disappointment. It comes with increased affluence but it can occur in any socio-economic group. From my observation, it is more likely to occur in smaller rather than larger families or in families where a death has occurred or tragedy has been a visitor.

An overparented child is a protected, spoiled child. He or she often lacks real confidence and won't take many risks. An overprotected child avoids new situations and looks to hide behind his parents when difficulties or challenges arise.

An overparented child can be any age but often becomes more apparent in middle primary school when the challenges children meet start to multiply. The overparenting may have occurred in the early years but the results only become apparent during this stage.

Some children by their nature place more demands on their parents, which results in overparenting. They receive more attention, more material possessions and more spoiling than they need because they can so bloody-minded and so insistent that parents give in just for some peace and quiet.

Sometimes circumstances such as family breakdown or a change of circumstances can lead to overparenting or overprotection as a form of compensation for the inconvenience that has been caused. While a child's behaviour may lead to feelings of guilt overparenting in this manner doesn't do the child any favours in the long term.

How can a parent break from a pattern of overparenting? This is hard to do because overparenting can seem so normal. However if a child is so reliant on a parents that they think they can't cope without them then it is time to take some action.

Parental illness is one way to change overparenting, although it is not a recommended course of action. When a parent is incapacitated or sick for a lengthy period of time children generally have no choice but to fend for themselves in a whole range of ways. From my observation of families I am constantly amazed how children rise to a challenge when they have to.

Another way to kick the overparenting habit is to do so by stealth. Little by little parents need to pull back on the over-assistance that they provide children. They can start by insisting children walk to school (provided this is reasonable from the perspective of safety and their wellbeing), get themselves up each morning or other simple forms of self-help as required. When a new behaviour becomes the norm rather than the exception then it is best to look for another area to withdraw their assistance from.

Another way to defeat the overparenting habit it to give children ideas, tips and techniques to cope with their challenges rather than allow them to avoid or pull out of challenges. For instance, a child who wants to pull out of an after school class after three weeks because they haven't any friends may need some ideas about either how to make friends or make do without friends until the end of term.

It helps to develop a "Hang tough" attitude rather than a "Let's try something else when things get tough" attitude. Overparenting prevents children from developing a "Hang Tough" attitude.

From my experience those children who do best at school and beyond the school years are those who have parents whose first response is to teach and support rather than protect or compensate when social, physical or intellectual challenges occur. It also helps to have parents who show absolute, unwavering confidence in a child's ability to cope and fend for him or herself, yet be wise enough to know when children need their help and compassionate enough to lend a hand once in while.

It is hard to get the balance right between developing real independence and not placing too much responsibility on children. It is essential for all sorts of reasons that childhood be protected, even prolonged. But that doesn't mean that children be closeted, spoiled or get every material good they want. Effective parenting is a balancing act between the head and the heart, between providing opportunities for resourcefulness and showing compassion, and between being a supportive parent and a protective parent.

Michael Grose is The Parent Coach. For seventeen years he has been helping parents deal with the rigours of raising kids and survive!! For information about Michael's Parent Coaching programs or just some fine advice and ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

house refresh service Morton Grove ..
In The News:

Multi-factor authentication (MFA) adds an extra layer of protection to your accounts. Instead of relying only on a password, MFA requires you to verify your identity using two or more methods.
Scientists from Duke, Harvard, and the University of Otago have unveiled a game-changing tool called DunedinPACNI. It uses a single AI brain scan to reveal how fast a person is biologically aging.
A disturbing wave of fake agent phone scams is sweeping across the United States, catching people off guard and draining their savings.
Emojis aren't just playful add-ons; they're powerful tools for building stronger connections in our increasingly digital world.
Google has taken a major step toward the future of clean energy by partnering with Commonwealth Fusion Systems (CFS), an MIT spin-out working to build one of the world’s first commercial fusion reactors.
If you create and share art online, you might have seen messages warning that Facebook's parent company, Meta, claims the right to use or even sell anything you post, whether it's pictures, poems, or artwork.
Cybercriminals hit Qantas in a major data breach that exposed information from up to six million customers.
Having reliable, loud, and timely emergency alerts on your phone or device is important because when severe weather strikes, every second counts.
Here's how your daily brew is becoming the foundation for greener buildings.
Artificial intelligence (AI) and large language models (LLMs), such as ChatGPT, are transforming how we learn. But what does this mean for AI and learning retention?
Modern AI data centers use much more electricity than traditional cloud servers. In many cases, the existing power grid cannot keep up. One innovative solution is gaining traction: repurposed EV batteries for AI data centers.
Microsoft 365 and Outlook users are being targeted by a tactic that injects fake billing alerts directly into their calendars.
Researchers are now showing us that old smartphones as data centers could be the next big thing in sustainable tech.
Scientists have created micro-robots for sinus infection treatment that can enter the nasal cavity, eliminate bacteria directly at the source, and exit without harming surrounding tissue.
Let's examine how your data is collected in everyday life, who is buying and selling it, what happens to it afterward, and, most importantly, what you can do to protect yourself.
Researchers at the University of Sheffield in the U.K. developed small robots called "Pipebots" that can travel inside water pipes to find and potentially repair leaks, all without any excavation.
A groundbreaking new study has uncovered disturbing AI blackmail behavior that many people are unaware of yet.
Four teams of autonomous humanoid robots competed in China's first AI soccer tournament, demonstrating advanced capabilities in ball detection and independent decision-making.
The ID. Buzz autonomous van features self-driving technology with 13 cameras, nine LiDAR units and five radars after Volkswagen partnered with Hamburg and Uber for 2026 deployments.
Social Security phishing scams use urgency and impersonation to steal personal data. Learn how to spot fake SSA emails and implement 10 protective measures.
French startup Pazzi Robotics created an AI-powered pizza robot that made pies in under five minutes without human help, but it closed in 2022 despite patents and expert partnerships.
Reclaim your time from big tech with effective screen time reduction strategies for iPhone and Android, featuring steps to limit app usage and create phone-free zones.
Amazon Prime Day shoppers face threats from 120,000-plus scam websites as cybercriminals prepare phishing traps and malware ahead of the July sales event.
Fox News' AI Newsletter brings you the latest on this rapidly evolving technology.
The AEON humanoid robot tackles labor challenges with Nvidia AI, Microsoft Azure cloud and advanced spatial awareness, working alongside industry leaders Schaeffler and Pilatus.

Misplaced Passion

"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More

Parenting: The Road I Chose

Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More

A Legacy For Dakota

Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More

Develop Your Childs Critical Thinking Skills

1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More

Healthy Eating For Children: Six Simple Rules

Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More

Playground Pettiness

Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More

Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?

Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More

The Truth About Motherhood

What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More

A New Idea For Kids Party Parties: Hiring A Caricaturist Can Make Your Kids Party A Real Blast!

There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More

Playful Parenting - More than Just Fun and Games

Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More

The Top 10 Tips for Communicating with Children

Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More

Avoid Weight Problems In Children

Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Self-Image Through Fitness

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More

Your Checking Account

Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More

ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Childs Best Friend

Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If... Read More

Understanding Why Your Child Has Been Recommended for Testing

You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More

Diapers: Do You Choose Disposable Or Reusable?

Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More

What Makes a Good Evaluation for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More

Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?

Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More

Second Letter to My Daughter

Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More

Turn off the TV -- and Turn on to Physical Activity!

Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was... Read More

You Want Whaaat???

Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More

Americas Public School System --- Brutal and Spartan

The public school system in America has become a dismal... Read More

Hurting from the Outside - In: The Rise of Self-harming

Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More

Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy

You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More

cleaning service near Mundelein ..