Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids

Demanding children ? children who have entitlement issues ? seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted ("I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!"), we hear many children today uttering the fairly constant refrain, "I want ?.! Give it to me! Get it for me, now!" They seem to be masters at instilling guilt in their parents through phrases such as "It's not fair!" or "You don't love me!" or "What about what I want?", or by getting angry, shutting down or crying piteously.

Why are there so many demanding children?

Olivia grew up with a self-centered demanding critical mother who never let her have her feelings. Olivia learned early to take responsibility for her mother's feelings by being a good girl. Now, as a parent herself, and not wanting to do to her children what her mother did to her, she has gone the other way. Rather than being demanding and self-centered, she is compliant and self-sacrificing. Rather than being an authoritarian parent like her mother was, she is a permissive parent, giving in to her children's demands rather than setting appropriate limits.

Olivia tends to give much to much credence to her children's feelings. All they need to do is be upset about something and she stops what she is doing to attend to them. They have learned to use their feelings of hurt, irritation and anger as a means of control. Olivia thinks she is being loving when she makes it "safe" for her children to express their feelings. The problem is she is not discerning the difference between having feelings and using feelings as a means of control. Because she gives her children's feelings so much importance, her children have learned to use their feelings against her.

Olivia's children need to learn to care about Olivia instead of just trying to get her to give herself up to meet their demands. The only way they will learn to care about her is if she learns to care about herself.

Demanding children are difficult to be around. They have a hard time keeping friends and as adults they create chaotic relationships. So let's take a hard look at what we need to do to support caring in children rather than self-centeredness. Authoritarian parenting often creates compliant/caretaking children, while permissive parenting seems to create narcissistic children. Neither authoritarian nor permissive parenting is loving parenting ? parenting that supports the highest good of both children and parents. Let's break the cycle of creating caretakers and takers. As parents, we need to learn to:

  • Take loving care of ourselves rather than constantly give ourselves up to our children's needs and feelings.

  • Set appropriate limits rather than always complying with our children's demands.

  • Care about our own feelings as much as we care about our children's feelings.

  • Not allow our feelings and needs to be invisible to our family.

  • Accept rejection from our children rather than give in to them to avoid being rejected.

  • Learn to discern the difference between children's feelings that need to be attended to and feelings that are being used to manipulate.

  • Expect to be appreciated and respected rather than accept being taken for granted.

It is not a matter of swinging back to authoritarian parenting. It is a matter of expecting to be treated with respect and caring. Your children will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you allow your feelings and needs to be invisible because you are not attending to them or making them important to you, your children will learn to see you and others as invisible. Children who see themselves as important and others as invisible because this is what their parents are role-modeling may become narcissistic, self-centered, demanding children.

It is not easy to move out of caretaking and into caring about yourself and others. Caretaking others was likely a form of survival when you were growing up. Yet to truly be a loving parent, you need to have the courage to behave in a way that fosters caring and consideration in your children, and this will never happen if you consistently put yourself aside for others.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or http://www.innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

http://www.innerbonding.com

bathroom cleaning service Lincolnshire ..
In The News:

The Omoway Omo X features a modular design, obstacle detection and emergency braking, and can drive itself to charging stations, signaling the future of smart urban mobility.
PillTrek, a tiny wireless smart capsule created by Caltech, provides real-time gut health data by detecting electrolytes, metabolites, glucose, hormones, pH levels and temperature.
Learn to spot fake bank text messages with five warning signs of Chase phishing scams, including suspicious links and urgent deadlines designed to steal your account information.
Robot coyotes built on motorized cars reaching 20 mph are being deployed at military airfields as an innovative solution to wildlife threats to aircraft safety.
Explore Google Drive's strengths and weaknesses as a backup solution, including its encryption security, privacy concerns and comparison to dedicated backup tools.
As environmental challenges grow, underwater habitats gain momentum with DEEP's Vanguard, supporting short missions and Sentinel designed for 28-day stays at depth.
The new Urban Eyes safety vest features dual cameras, reflective panels and a wireless remote to deter harassers and provide peace of mind for outdoor workouts.
The $200 billion data broker industry tracks your personal details across websites, posing privacy risks that can be mitigated through data removal services.
UCC Holding has teamed up with COBOD to create desert-inspired, 3D-printed schools in Qatar, featuring dune-like wavy walls impossible with conventional construction.
Darkling beetles equipped with microchip backpacks can be guided through disaster areas using electrical signals, offering a biological solution for search and rescue.
Scammers use number porting to take control of outdated landlines still connected to financial accounts, bypassing two-factor authentication to steal funds while avoiding detection.
Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey developed Bitchat, a privacy-focused messaging app that works offline via Bluetooth without requiring email, phone numbers or personal data.
Google is making a push to ensure its AI, Gemini, is tightly integrated with Android systems by granting it access to core apps like WhatsApp, Messages, and Phone.
A new green energy system is set to change how we capture clean power, and it all starts with the ocean. French startup Seaturns has designed technology that taps into the natural motion of the sea.
Cybersecurity researchers are warning that hackers have started exploiting flaws in chatbots to carry out AI phishing attacks.
Google has just made it easier than ever to regain control of your inbox with Gmail's new Manage Subscriptions tool.
Despite the benefits, residential power saver programs come with several potential drawbacks and concerns that have been raised by both customers and experts.
The Blackdot AI tattoo machine is quiet. It's steady. And according to early users, it hurts a lot less.
Attackers have started to exploit the very signals that users assume will keep them safe when it comes to add-ons to improve productivity or entertainment.
Located on Cerro Pachón in Chile, the world's most powerful digital camera is set to transform how we see the universe.
The innovative DQ Tower stands 28 feet tall with 420 square feet of living space, featuring floor-to-ceiling windows and premium amenities in a prefabricated design.
A new mmWave imaging system allows warehouse robots to scan and create 3D models of objects inside sealed containers, potentially revolutionizing shipping processes.
Family fraud endangers seniors when relatives exploit their trust, but removing personal data online and monitoring identity can prevent financial harm to aging parents.
A study analyzing 500,000 customer service interactions shows chatbots struggle with complex issues while human agents excel at matching customer communication styles.
Aigen's Element robot uses solar power and AI to provide farmers with a sustainable alternative to herbicides, working efficiently in cotton and soy fields.

A Place For Everything: Its Childs Play

What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More

Maturing As a Parent

I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More

14 Romantic Time-Outs for Parents

Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More

What Do Chinese Water Torture and Arguing with Children Have in Common?

Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More

Watch What You Say

"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More

Children Need Roots and Wings

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More

Powerful Tips for Increasing Your Childs Self-Esteem

Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: When is it OK to Quit?

Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More

Reclaiming Her Identity: A Mothers Diary

After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More

Parenting Skills - Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Confidence

The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More

Revering the Crayon Marks

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More

My Teenaged Parents

Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More

Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions

Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More

Winning The Whining War

Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More

Camps for Troubled Teens: Disciplines and Wilderness

Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen... Read More

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More

My Children

I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More

Free Stuff for Twins: Incentives for Parents of Multiple Births

A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More

Parents Demand Dumbed-down Tests:An Unintended Bad Consequence of the No Child Left Behind Act

The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More

Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own

I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More

We All Wish That Our Children Have Good Virtues, But... Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves?

We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More

Childrens Friendships Made Easy

Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More

Overscheduled Kids

Time devoted the better part of an issue to it.... Read More

Ten Reasons to Tell your Kids Stories

In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More

recurring housekeeping Des Plaines ..