Home
>
Parenting
>
COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child to learn what is most important, he must be shown the lessons through example, not through words. And, if we are to nurture certain traits within our children, we must first develop those traits in ourselves.

I've been teaching martial arts to children for a decade and a half and I've discovered something amazing about children - they want to learn what is expected of them. For all of the 'button-pushing,' resistance to your wishes and what-not, children want to know the rules and have a deep-down, almost inherent, need to "do it right."

Unfortunately, I've also discovered that many of the parents who bring their children to our programs live by two deep-seated desires. And even though they express their wishes for their child to develop more confidence, discipline, and respect - not to mention the ability to protect themselves from the dangers that they know exist in the world, they will almost always default to these desires, even though it means that their child may never develop these important traits and abilities.

What are these desires?

1) That their child is never angry at them, and,

2) that they never want to have to say "no."

Is this true about all parents? No, of course not. But it is true about many.

Even without these words being spoken, the message is plain and clear when it comes in the following forms:

"She doesn't want to come to class and I don't want to force her."

"Really," I say. "And why not?"

'Excuse me?", comes the reply. "I don't understand."

"Well," I add, "don't you make her do other things that she doesn't want to do?" "I'm sure you make her brush her teeth daily, go to school even when she says she doesn't want to, and probably a dozen or so more things every day, don't you?"

"Yes, but that's different," is often the reply.

"Different?" I ask, "how so?" "Don't you think this is important?" "Isn't it still as important today, as the day you brought her in and said she needed to be confident and learn to protect herself?"

Here's another one that my staff and I hear regularly.

"I'm not going to commit my son to a year (or three year) program. That's too long for someone his age. He doesn't know what he wants"

Again, my response is that the parent is missing something in the logic, if it's logic that's driving at all.

"Is your child in school?", I ask.

"Of course," comes the reply.

"So you do think that an education is important and will take a considerable amount of time to prepare your son for the real world?"

"Yes. I don't see what that has to do with karate classes."

"It has everything to do with karate classes, because this is an education too. One that your son won't get in school or out of a text book. And, what he learns here in the way of confidence, discipline, pride, respect, and the ability to stand up for what is right, will affect every other part of his life, for the rest of his life."

Again, I hear, "But this is different."

"How?," I ask. "He will be going to school for the next eleven to thirteen years, not counting college. And, I'm sure that you'll make him go, even on those days when he doesn't want to. You will have all the right reasons to explain to him why this is important, right? No sir, this is no different. It is exactly the same. And, if its important for your child to learn the lessons you brought him here to learn, it's less important whether he likes it or not. And, as for him not knowing what he wants, that's what we as parents and teachers are here for, isn't it. To guide, provide opportunities and to give our children what they need, even if it's not what they want."

The actress Bette Davis was quoted as saying, "If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent." I believe this because I believe that my job is not to be my child's friend, but to be his guide, mentor, and teacher for handling the challenges of life. If I don't, then who will? And besides, there's plenty of time to be his or her friend after they have grown to adulthood, had the same experiences in the world, and can relate on an adult level. There is a huge difference between being 'friendly' and being 'friends.'

To many, I'm sure that all of this seems harsh and many, I'm certain, have already stopped reading altogether. My point is simple. We, as parents and teachers are teaching your children regardless of whether we open our mouths and say the words in the lesson or not.

If we're to teach our children to do what's important, not just what feels good...

...if we are to teach them the value of committing to a worthwhile endeavor because it's worthwhile, not just because it's easy or convenient...

...if we're to teach them to not be quitters in the game of life...

...we must instill the lessons whether they like us for it or not.

How else can we possibly teach, and have our children practice, things like commitment if we never provide the opportunities for them to commit or allow them to quit because something's not fun? When was the last time our creditors allowed us to stop paying our bills because doing so wasn't fun?

Edward, the English monarch once commented in a condescending way that we have the troubles we do because American parents obey their children instead of the other way around. After a decade and a half of watching and helping parents to help their children, I don't know if he's right but I do know that, the parents who are most committed to their child's development, regardless of the daily whims of the child - this entity who is changing so rapidly that they don't want the same things from moment-to-moment, let alone from year-to-year - usually have much more successful adults to be proud of when their children grow up. It is those who commit to teaching commitment, and a hundred other lessons, who are blessed with a child grown to adulthood who can commit to themselves and others and who can be counted on to 'be there' when the going gets tough.

Can you imagine? What a world we would live in if all those we met were such a person as this.

Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and master instructor of Warrior Concepts International. A senior teacher in the Japanese warrior art of Ninjutsu, he specializes in teaching the ancient ways of self-protection and personal development lessons in a way that is easily understood and put to use by modern Western students and corporate clients. Through their martial arts training, his students and clients learn proven, time-tested lessons designed to help them create the life they've always dreamed of living, and the skills necessary for protecting that life from anything that might threaten it. To learn more about child development and other subjects related to the martial arts, self-defense, personal development & self-improvement, visit his website at child development

disinfecting cleaning services Winnetka ..

In The News:

Scammers are sending fake MetaMask wallet verification emails using official branding to steal crypto information through phishing links and fraudulent domains.

Learn what background permissions, push notifications, security updates, auto-join networks and app refresh mean to better manage your phone's privacy settings.

Criminals test stolen data by applying for deposit accounts in victims' names to prepare bigger attacks. Learn why banks won't share fraud details.

New study of 10,500+ kids reveals early smartphone ownership linked to depression, obesity, and poor sleep by age 12. Earlier phones mean higher risks.

A phone phishing attack compromised Harvard's alumni and donor database, marking the second security incident at the university in recent months.

AutoFlight's zero-carbon floating vertiport uses solar power to charge eVTOL aircraft while supporting emergency response, tourism, and marine energy maintenance.

A new phone return scam targets recent buyers with fake carrier calls. Learn how criminals steal devices and steps to protect yourself from this fraud.

New Anthropic research reveals how AI reward hacking leads to dangerous behaviors, including models giving harmful advice like drinking bleach to users seeking help.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

Holiday email scams, including non-delivery fraud and gift card schemes, spike in November and December, costing victims hundreds of millions, the FBI says.

Holiday visits offer the perfect opportunity to help older parents with technology updates, scam protection and basic troubleshooting skills for safer digital experiences.

Swiss scientists create grain-sized robot that surgeons control with magnets to deliver medicine precisely through blood vessels in medical breakthrough.

Researchers exploited WhatsApp's API vulnerability to scrape 3.5 billion phone numbers. Learn how this massive data breach happened and protect yourself.

Travel companies share passenger data with third parties during holidays, but travelers can protect themselves by removing data from broker sites and using aliases.

Xpeng's humanoid robot moves so realistically that crowds believed it was fake, marking a major advancement in robotics technology ahead of 2026 commercial launch.

Researchers discover phishing scam using invisible characters to evade email security, with protection tips including password managers and two-factor authentication.

iPhone and Android users can reduce battery drain and data usage by restricting Background App Refresh to Wi-Fi connections instead of mobile networks.

Scammers nearly stole an Apple account by exploiting the support system with authentic-looking tickets and phone calls, users can protect themselves with safety steps.

FoloToy restored sales of its AI teddy bear Kumma after a weeklong suspension following safety group findings of risky and inappropriate responses to children.

Threat intelligence firm Synthient uncovers one of the largest password exposures ever, prompting immediate security recommendations.

Viral video shared by Elon Musk shows Tesla's Optimus humanoid robots performing tasks from cooking to construction, garnering over 58.5 million views on social media.

Chinese hackers used Anthropic's Claude AI to launch autonomous cyberattacks on 30 organizations worldwide, marking a major shift in cybersecurity threats.

Apple's new Sleep Score feature gives you a rating for your nightly rest quality. Learn how to set it up on your Apple Watch and iPhone today.

Essential phone settings to enable before losing your device, including Find My network, location services and security features for iPhone and Android.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

Parenting