Home
>
Parenting
>
COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child to learn what is most important, he must be shown the lessons through example, not through words. And, if we are to nurture certain traits within our children, we must first develop those traits in ourselves.

I've been teaching martial arts to children for a decade and a half and I've discovered something amazing about children - they want to learn what is expected of them. For all of the 'button-pushing,' resistance to your wishes and what-not, children want to know the rules and have a deep-down, almost inherent, need to "do it right."

Unfortunately, I've also discovered that many of the parents who bring their children to our programs live by two deep-seated desires. And even though they express their wishes for their child to develop more confidence, discipline, and respect - not to mention the ability to protect themselves from the dangers that they know exist in the world, they will almost always default to these desires, even though it means that their child may never develop these important traits and abilities.

What are these desires?

1) That their child is never angry at them, and,

2) that they never want to have to say "no."

Is this true about all parents? No, of course not. But it is true about many.

Even without these words being spoken, the message is plain and clear when it comes in the following forms:

"She doesn't want to come to class and I don't want to force her."

"Really," I say. "And why not?"

'Excuse me?", comes the reply. "I don't understand."

"Well," I add, "don't you make her do other things that she doesn't want to do?" "I'm sure you make her brush her teeth daily, go to school even when she says she doesn't want to, and probably a dozen or so more things every day, don't you?"

"Yes, but that's different," is often the reply.

"Different?" I ask, "how so?" "Don't you think this is important?" "Isn't it still as important today, as the day you brought her in and said she needed to be confident and learn to protect herself?"

Here's another one that my staff and I hear regularly.

"I'm not going to commit my son to a year (or three year) program. That's too long for someone his age. He doesn't know what he wants"

Again, my response is that the parent is missing something in the logic, if it's logic that's driving at all.

"Is your child in school?", I ask.

"Of course," comes the reply.

"So you do think that an education is important and will take a considerable amount of time to prepare your son for the real world?"

"Yes. I don't see what that has to do with karate classes."

"It has everything to do with karate classes, because this is an education too. One that your son won't get in school or out of a text book. And, what he learns here in the way of confidence, discipline, pride, respect, and the ability to stand up for what is right, will affect every other part of his life, for the rest of his life."

Again, I hear, "But this is different."

"How?," I ask. "He will be going to school for the next eleven to thirteen years, not counting college. And, I'm sure that you'll make him go, even on those days when he doesn't want to. You will have all the right reasons to explain to him why this is important, right? No sir, this is no different. It is exactly the same. And, if its important for your child to learn the lessons you brought him here to learn, it's less important whether he likes it or not. And, as for him not knowing what he wants, that's what we as parents and teachers are here for, isn't it. To guide, provide opportunities and to give our children what they need, even if it's not what they want."

The actress Bette Davis was quoted as saying, "If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent." I believe this because I believe that my job is not to be my child's friend, but to be his guide, mentor, and teacher for handling the challenges of life. If I don't, then who will? And besides, there's plenty of time to be his or her friend after they have grown to adulthood, had the same experiences in the world, and can relate on an adult level. There is a huge difference between being 'friendly' and being 'friends.'

To many, I'm sure that all of this seems harsh and many, I'm certain, have already stopped reading altogether. My point is simple. We, as parents and teachers are teaching your children regardless of whether we open our mouths and say the words in the lesson or not.

If we're to teach our children to do what's important, not just what feels good...

...if we are to teach them the value of committing to a worthwhile endeavor because it's worthwhile, not just because it's easy or convenient...

...if we're to teach them to not be quitters in the game of life...

...we must instill the lessons whether they like us for it or not.

How else can we possibly teach, and have our children practice, things like commitment if we never provide the opportunities for them to commit or allow them to quit because something's not fun? When was the last time our creditors allowed us to stop paying our bills because doing so wasn't fun?

Edward, the English monarch once commented in a condescending way that we have the troubles we do because American parents obey their children instead of the other way around. After a decade and a half of watching and helping parents to help their children, I don't know if he's right but I do know that, the parents who are most committed to their child's development, regardless of the daily whims of the child - this entity who is changing so rapidly that they don't want the same things from moment-to-moment, let alone from year-to-year - usually have much more successful adults to be proud of when their children grow up. It is those who commit to teaching commitment, and a hundred other lessons, who are blessed with a child grown to adulthood who can commit to themselves and others and who can be counted on to 'be there' when the going gets tough.

Can you imagine? What a world we would live in if all those we met were such a person as this.

Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and master instructor of Warrior Concepts International. A senior teacher in the Japanese warrior art of Ninjutsu, he specializes in teaching the ancient ways of self-protection and personal development lessons in a way that is easily understood and put to use by modern Western students and corporate clients. Through their martial arts training, his students and clients learn proven, time-tested lessons designed to help them create the life they've always dreamed of living, and the skills necessary for protecting that life from anything that might threaten it. To learn more about child development and other subjects related to the martial arts, self-defense, personal development & self-improvement, visit his website at child development

local house cleaners Park Ridge ..

In The News:

Kodiak Driver autonomous truck achieves perfect 98 safety score, matching top human fleets in groundbreaking AI evaluation by Nauto's VERA system.

New 401k catch-up contribution rules in 2026 will change taxes for high earners over 50. Learn how scammers exploit these changes and protect your retirement savings.

Kurt Knutsson's guide covers social media privacy protection through location settings, account privacy controls and two-factor authentication to prevent scams and data breaches.

Revolutionary retinal implant restores central vision in 80% of patients with advanced macular degeneration, offering hope where treatments once only slowed blindness.

Learn how to use passkeys on Windows and Mac computers without cameras or fingerprint readers. Discover secure authentication methods that replace passwords.

Tesla's FSD v14.1.2 update reintroduces Mad Max mode, enabling higher speeds and more frequent lane changes than the standard Hurry profile setting.

A phishing email scam targeting American Express customers shows how cybercriminals use fake urgent messages to steal personal and financial information.

Facebook's new Meta AI feature analyzes your camera roll photos to create polished collages automatically, but requires cloud processing and raises privacy concerns.

A New Jersey teenager filed a major lawsuit against AI/Robotics Venture Strategy 3 Ltd. over ClothOff, an AI tool that created fake nude images from her social media photos.

Microsoft reports Storm-2657 cybercriminals sent phishing emails to 6,000 addresses at 25 universities to steal payroll credentials and redirect funds.

Astronomers have discovered asteroid 2025 SC79, a skyscraper-sized space rock orbiting the sun in just 128 days. the second-fastest known.

The Fox News AI Newsletter delivers the latest developments form the world of artificial intelligence, including the technology's challenges and opportunities.

A cyberattack on SimonMed Imaging exposed personal information of 1.2 million patients, including medical records, financial details and identity papers.

Spotify's managed accounts for kids under 13 now available in at least seven countries, allowing parents to filter and block explicit content and songs.

Friendly text conversations about BBQs and social events can lead to WEEX gold trading scams that target older adults with fake investment opportunities.

California company Skyeports creates self-healing glass spheres from Moon regolith that generate solar power and support plant growth for sustainable lunar living.

Cleafy researchers discover fake VPN streaming app Mobdro Pro that installs Klopatra banking Trojan, giving attackers full control over Android devices.

Police departments across the U.S. and Canada are adopting virtual reality training to better prepare officers for high-pressure, real-world situations.

House Bill 469 would prevent AI systems from owning property, serving as executives, or gaining legal personhood in Ohio under Representative Thaddeus Claggett's proposal.

Public voter records expose retirees' personal details to election scammers who create targeted cons using names, addresses, and voting history data.

Instead of fearing what comes next with artificial intelligence, think outside the box. Here are high-earning AI jobs that don't require a computer science degree.

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman says polite words like "please" and "thank you" cost millions annually, while direct prompts may improve ChatGPT accuracy by several points.

Chattee Chat and GiMe Chat exposed intimate conversations and photos, revealing users spent up to $18,000 on AI companions before the breach.

New Instagram parental controls allow families to manage teen screen time and content limits through the Family Center with stricter safety settings.

Third-party security breach at Discord exposes sensitive user information including government IDs, highlighting cybersecurity risks from external service providers.

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

Parenting