Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It would be easy to give up when faced with all the conflicting methods of parenting and discipline that come to a family who has joined forces together.
As I was doing research for a recent book, I interviewed a young counselor at a youth camp. I was impressed with her sincerity, maturity, and gratitude that her "blended family" had made the effort and sacrifice to work together toward a common goal. She admitted that she was the instigator of most of the conflict and absolutely refused to cooperate on even the most menial request by her step-mother. She could tell that the adults were becoming increasingly unhappy and stressed and she was secretly glad that they were suffering.
Then an interesting thing happened. She was invited to spend a weekend with a friend and she saw what happens when families get along and support one another. The family held a family meeting to decide about some upcoming projects and chores. When putting activities on the calendar, she was amazed to see her friend volunteer to attend the ball game with her little brother so the parents could make another commitment. They laughed and joked with good natured ribbing as opposed to sarcastic mean spirited teasing. The family ended the family meeting with ice cream sundaes and she saw the kids pitch in without being asked and that they served the parents before getting their own bowl.
It was an eye-opener for this young lady to see that it is possible to work together in a win-win atmosphere. She honestly had not even realized it was possible to live in harmony as opposed to chaos and anger.
When she got home from that stay, she called a family meeting and everyone came fearing that she was going to say she was moving out if she didn't get her way. Instead, she told them about what she had witnessed and asked for a commitment for all of them to start over and become a cooperative, supportive and loving family where everyone was treated with respect.
She went on to tell me that it had not been easy to change old habits, especially with her. But, as a family they had set a goal and a commitment and had worked on their relationships and communication skills daily. As a young adult, she said that because of that commitment, she had gone into counseling to assist other young people who were filled with anger. She wanted to share the valuable lessons that she had learned.
Oh yes, she counts her step-mother as one of her best friends now.
In our living room is a beautiful potted plant. It contains a number of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, are fragile and unsteady. Each stem could probably make it if it were broken off and stuck in a glass of water, but it might not. However, grouped together, they gain strength and protection from one another. Their roots are intertwined and form a foundation that allows them to successfully withstand being knocked over and occasionally neglected.
Families are like that plant. We are all in this together, and we need to know there are others who will hold us up when we need it and support us as we grow stronger. The word for the strength of a unit is synergy. It means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
It is that common goal of cooperation and support that builds success in our children and our families. Please don't give up. Try one more time to provide the loving and respectful environment that each member of the family deserves.
Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator ? 2005 www.artichokepress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
disinfecting cleaning services Winnetka ..Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
I know as a single parent or even with 2... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
We know that you want your little guy or gal... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
My thirteen-year-old daughter recently called me up to say she... Read More
It was the homework that did it. Each night became... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
Many families do not want to believe their child is... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices.... Read More
Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More
I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
Summer Survival The... Read More
The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More
In an actual war, to be attacked means to have... Read More
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied... Read More
The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through... Read More
Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Parenting |