Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It would be easy to give up when faced with all the conflicting methods of parenting and discipline that come to a family who has joined forces together.
As I was doing research for a recent book, I interviewed a young counselor at a youth camp. I was impressed with her sincerity, maturity, and gratitude that her "blended family" had made the effort and sacrifice to work together toward a common goal. She admitted that she was the instigator of most of the conflict and absolutely refused to cooperate on even the most menial request by her step-mother. She could tell that the adults were becoming increasingly unhappy and stressed and she was secretly glad that they were suffering.
Then an interesting thing happened. She was invited to spend a weekend with a friend and she saw what happens when families get along and support one another. The family held a family meeting to decide about some upcoming projects and chores. When putting activities on the calendar, she was amazed to see her friend volunteer to attend the ball game with her little brother so the parents could make another commitment. They laughed and joked with good natured ribbing as opposed to sarcastic mean spirited teasing. The family ended the family meeting with ice cream sundaes and she saw the kids pitch in without being asked and that they served the parents before getting their own bowl.
It was an eye-opener for this young lady to see that it is possible to work together in a win-win atmosphere. She honestly had not even realized it was possible to live in harmony as opposed to chaos and anger.
When she got home from that stay, she called a family meeting and everyone came fearing that she was going to say she was moving out if she didn't get her way. Instead, she told them about what she had witnessed and asked for a commitment for all of them to start over and become a cooperative, supportive and loving family where everyone was treated with respect.
She went on to tell me that it had not been easy to change old habits, especially with her. But, as a family they had set a goal and a commitment and had worked on their relationships and communication skills daily. As a young adult, she said that because of that commitment, she had gone into counseling to assist other young people who were filled with anger. She wanted to share the valuable lessons that she had learned.
Oh yes, she counts her step-mother as one of her best friends now.
In our living room is a beautiful potted plant. It contains a number of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, are fragile and unsteady. Each stem could probably make it if it were broken off and stuck in a glass of water, but it might not. However, grouped together, they gain strength and protection from one another. Their roots are intertwined and form a foundation that allows them to successfully withstand being knocked over and occasionally neglected.
Families are like that plant. We are all in this together, and we need to know there are others who will hold us up when we need it and support us as we grow stronger. The word for the strength of a unit is synergy. It means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
It is that common goal of cooperation and support that builds success in our children and our families. Please don't give up. Try one more time to provide the loving and respectful environment that each member of the family deserves.
Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator ? 2005 www.artichokepress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
eco-friendly cleaning service Buffalo Grove ..For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes... Read More
When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More
You are at the grocery store with your daughter and... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More
The public school system in America has become a dismal... Read More
Paula's last child had just gone off to college and... Read More
Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite... Read More
Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More
Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
express cleaning service Arlington Heights ..Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
Do you really want your child to enjoy playing with... Read More
In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
Every year over one million parents have to talk to... Read More
I really like all natural remedy for Attention Deficit Disorder... Read More
Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
In today's mental health system there is a pattern of... Read More
Parenting |