I WAS AMAZED
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and his son had entered the men's room. While I was washing my hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they were swords in a battle for ... who knows what?
And all about going to the bathroom quickly!
It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his one-man army to do his bidding.
It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of the young person.
The "bad boy" had won the day -- and the bad boy was not the son.
It was the son's insensitive dad.
I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY
This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their children.
I was sad. And I was angry.
The "interesting" thing was that when I related this observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were on a recent trip to a theme park.
Their message was the same:
"We had a great time. The only discouraging thing was seeing dads with their children."
I AGREE: IT'S NOT EASY
I am a father and I would be among the first to declare that raising children is not an easy task.
Parts of it are rough. Real rough.
I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as a father.
But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me after observing my relationship with either my children or grand- children:
"We saw the most discouraging thing today.
This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids was awful.
No respect. No honor.
Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya, it was sad."
WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY
Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen many loving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love* watching those types of dads relate to their children. It is one of my personal delights in life
With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestions for a better way: a better way for fathers to relate to their children than the two negative examples I have shared with you.
I will center my suggestions on five themes:
1. Consideration
2. Respect
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Love
Two comments as I transition into my suggestions:
*You will quickly discover that this will not be a long and drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy.
*Many of the points will be shared through using simple "affirmations" -- or descriptive comments if you please. These affirmations will help you personalize what is said.
So...
We have discussed a few of the "bad boy" characteristics.
Let's turn our attention to five characteristics of the "good boys." That is, men who are determined *not* to be thought of as "one of those insensitive dads."
CONSIDERATION
Consideration says...
"I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturity level and emotional capabilities of the child I am relating to at the moment."
Because of the important aspects of the statement you just read, I'm going to repeat it and break it down for you.
That's my part.
Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it one more time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you would have liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making.
"I adjust
My expectations
According to
The needs,
Maturity level
And emotional capabilities
Of the child
I am relating to
At the moment."
RESPECT
Respect says...
"I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthy of my honor, approval and love."
This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wrap around my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of my honor, approval and love -- from the beginning.
It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in me from "Day One" so-to-speak.
HUMILITY
Humility says...
"Because I am still learning, I give my child space and time to learn."
"Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child when he or she fails."
"Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me for reasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled and self-centered anger when dealing with my child."
COMPASSION
Compassion says...
"I am a 'show and tell' person.
*I show my child I care.
*I tell my child I care."
"I strive to be gentle, not harsh."
"I care and my child senses it."
LOVE
Love says... all of the above.
A DISCLAIMER
Let me make something perfectly clear: children can -- and do -- hurt their parents.
Good parents. Parents who in a very real sense lay down their lives for their kids and still get kicked in the guts while trying to help their children be happy and succeed in life.
These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that no one really wants to understand. I salute those parents.
You may be one of them.
So my disclaimer is...
*I realize this is a two-sided fence
*My purpose is not to add guilt to a conscience already plagued by the "Why's" of their child's bad attitudes and behavior -- in spite of hundreds of hours of trying to do what's right.
Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents -- and especially a dad since that is the topic of these comments -- I want you to hear these words:
"I thank you for trying."
I thank you for trying and for the lonely hours you have spent that only you, and possibly your spouse -- and God -- knows about...
The tears. The heartache and the pain that goes on and on as each new report surfaces about some action or attitude your child has displayed."
For those times, tears and heartache -- I reflect to you my appreciation. And I'm sure I represent only one of many voices that would echo the same to you if they could.
Therefore, review these comments and take note of each positive thing you have done. Take a bow. You deserve it."
Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,
Lee
? Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included.
How much is A Beautiful Moment In Time worth to you? Stop by and see! Go to -> http://www.motivation-for-daily-living.net
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carHere in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just... Read More
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of... Read More
According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More
I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More
What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
When we consider that the word allowance means, "allowing for,"... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More
Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More
It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More
Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals... Read More
Young people generally want to fit in to their various... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
Former students would probably attest to the fact that few... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life,... Read More
We are all so very happy to see that the... Read More
Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals... Read More
She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her... Read More
Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
In today's mental health system there is a pattern of... Read More
When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More
Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More
Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
Many children are jittery on the first day of school.... Read More
What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More
Parenting |