Home
>
Parenting
>
Back to School Success: The Parents Job and the Students Job

Back to School Success: The Parents Job and the Students Job

Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure how to handle things with our teen-ager. Last year turned into such a battle, and we fear another year just like last year. Is there anything we can do to help make this a successful year?

A. The short answer is yes, there are many things you can do to make this a better school year, not just for your teen, but for the whole family as well.

The long answer is that I think you have asked a very interesting and important question. Many of the families I work with struggle a great deal over the issue of school.

In my experience, this power struggle seems to be caused by a fundamental difference between parents and kids in their perception of the purpose of school. Here's how I believe it works:

For parents, the perception is, ``We work all day; the kids don't. School is their job. Therefore, they should get good grades, just as we want to do well at our jobs.'

The teen-agers' perception is quite different, however. In their view, school is rarely more than their social world, interrupted by six or seven classes a day.

As in most power struggles, each point of view has at least some validity. School really is the job of teen-agers, and they need to be in charge of themselves in this area. At the same time, school really is their social world. It's where they see most of their friends, and it's where they do a great deal of their interacting with peers.

Having said all that, let's take a look at just what are the jobs of parents and teen-agers.

The Parent's Job

1) To create an environment at home that encourages a love of learning.

How often do your children see you reading? Hear you talking about something you have learned? Do you discuss ideas and issues with them? While these are things to start with your child on day one, you can still implement them in your home now.

2) This one is so simple yet so profound.

Ask them their opinions on important issues of the day. You may be surprised to find out what kind of brains they have in there.

3) Make sure there is nothing blocking your teen-ager from learning.

Examples of blocks are learning and information-processing disorders, and attention-deficit disorder. Many teen-agers I work with who have difficulty at school have undiagnosed ADD.

Another block to learning can be the use of alcohol or drugs. Part of the process of drug abuse is that kids begin to lose interest in things that were once very important to them. If they are drunk or high at school, not only do they not want to learn, they can't.

4) Know the names and philosophies of the following people who influence your child's life:

the principal, assistant principals, the guidance counselor and, most especially, the teachers.

5) Once you have done all this, simply put the teen-agers in charge of school.

What I mean is, make them responsible for their performance at school. Doing so may be difficult; this may be one of those situations in which things get worse before they get better.

THE Student's Job

1) To be in charge of themselves about school.

They are the ones who get the grades. Parents don't get the grades, they do. One of the things I work on with teen-agers is to help them them understand that if they really want their parents off their backs, they will handle school well. When they don't, it's an open invitation to the parents to step in and take over.

2) Show up.

That means going to school and then going to class. And one of the worst things about skipping is that it is incredibly addictive.

3) Find something in school to ``burn for.'

Once you are really interested in something, learning becomes a lot more fun. Wanting your children to excel in school is natural and a good thing. But there comes a time when the ball is simply in their court, and it's up to them. I think the most important thing for parents to remember is that school needs to be more important to them than it is to you.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

emergency cleaning services Glenview ..

In The News:

Louvre Museum reportedly used "Louvre" as password for surveillance system during $100M jewel heist. Learn how weak passwords put even famous institutions at risk.

Bipartisan AI jobs bill from Sens. Hawley and Warner would require companies to report AI-related layoffs and hiring to Department of Labor quarterly.

Joe A. from Shelton, Connecticut, lost $228,000 to a ZAP Solutions cryptocurrency investment scam after his divorce, highlighting rising online fraud.

AI-powered autonomous trucks from Waabi and Volvo target U.S. freight driver shortage with Level 4 self-driving technology and NVIDIA computing platform integration.

Survive flight disruptions with expert travel tips: Book early morning flights, download airline apps and know your refund rights during service cuts.

Apple's iOS 26.1 update delivers major security fixes, performance boosts and enhanced privacy controls for your iPhone. Discover why updating now protects your data.

Russian hackers use fake CAPTCHA tests to spread dangerous malware targeting governments and journalists. Learn how to protect yourself from these deceptive attacks.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Miami-Dade debuts America's first autonomous police SUV with AI cameras, drone deployment and real-time crime detection in groundbreaking law enforcement pilot.

Bank impostor scams cost Americans $2.9 billion as criminals use AI voices and caller ID spoofing to steal life savings. Learn nine essential fraud protection tips.

Foreign-owned apps secretly harvest personal data from seniors, making them prime targets for scams. Learn how to protect your privacy and stop data brokers today.

Sens. Josh Hawley and Richard Blumenthal introduce bipartisan GUARD Act to protect minors from AI chatbots through mandatory age verification and disclosure requirements.

Ghost-tapping scammers exploit wireless technology to drain accounts through small transactions, but RFID-blocking wallets and transaction alerts can protect you.

French pilot project demonstrates wireless charging roads that can deliver over 300 kilowatts of power to EVs while driving, potentially eliminating range anxiety.

YouTube's Ghost Network spreads information-stealing malware through thousands of fake videos offering cracked software, using compromised accounts and fake engagement.

Protect your privacy by disabling your smart TV microphone. Most TVs have hidden mics that listen even when voice commands are off. Learn quick steps to stop unwanted audio capture.

SessionReaper vulnerability hits Magento and Adobe Commerce stores, compromising 250+ sites in one day. Hackers steal data and hijack shopping sessions.

Master essential parental controls and digital safety tools to protect your kids online. Learn screen time limits, location settings and privacy controls every parent needs.

Cybersecurity expert shares six essential steps to protect against dark web threats, including data removal services, password managers and antivirus software.

NVIDIA GPU space mission could revolutionize cloud services by enabling orbital data centers that make apps, games and AI tools faster and more efficient.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Microsoft warns Windows 10 users face serious security risks as 90% of ransomware attacks target unsupported systems. Learn why upgrading to Windows 11 is crucial.

Nike unveils Project Amplify, revolutionary motorized shoes developed with Dephy that add powered assistance to every step for runners and walkers.

Cybersecurity experts warn about one of the largest credential compilations ever found, urging users to check "Have I Been Pwned" and change passwords immediately.

Quick iPhone and Android battery optimization techniques help your device stay powered all day by turning off hidden features that secretly drain power in the background.

Back to School Success: The Parents Job and the Students Job

Parenting