I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.
At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.
Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.
Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.
I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.
Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.
It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"
Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.
Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.
Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."
I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.
I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.
The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.
The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.
Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.
Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at klinikong.com
rental limo Atlanta .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareDuring one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael... Read More
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More
Our children are our most important legacy to the world.... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More
Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
I had my first two children on either side of... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More
According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
You are at the grocery store with your daughter and... Read More
Bedford Park taxi to Midway ..An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More
The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't... Read More
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
In the beginning, having children was just a byproduct of... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More
There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More
21 Reasons I Love Being A DadWhat you will read... Read More
I've learned numerous, important lessons on life, motherhood and men... Read More
The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More
Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More
Parenting |