This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware of
the full extent of their child's basic needs.
Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney about
the girl leaving home after 'living alone for so many
years'? The parents were desolate. They'd given her
everything money could buy - so how could she possibly have
been lonely and unhappy?
Clearly, there were some needs that just weren't being met
at home, so the girl upped and left.
What are these basic needs we must be aware of if we're to
be effective parents?
There are four categories: physical, emotional, intellectual
and spiritual.
So often people overestimate the first category, physical
needs - but let's not underestimate them either! We all need
food and drink, warmth, clothing and shelter to protect us
from the elements.
These will sustain life, but by themselves they won't
promote positive relationships. Some parents, however,
shower their kids with material things in order to over-
compensate for the other areas.
And we all know that, despite their wealth, many of these
same kids are miserable. Their other needs are just not
being met.
Probably the most obvious of these other needs is emotional
in nature.
Love and affection are vital, but there's more to it.
Children need constant reassurance! When our personalities
are forming we are on the lookout for feedback, so that we
know what to accept and what to reject.
We also form our picture of ourselves from the feedback we
get from others, especially those who have 'significant'
roles in our lives: parents first, then siblings, relatives,
teachers, friends and so on.
The bottom line is that a child doesn't really know what to
make of himself until that feedback comes in.
And they make value judgements so quickly! 'Hey, I'm pretty
good at this, everbody tells me so!'
Or how about, 'Yeah, I guess I'm a pretty stupid, useless
person. They always laugh at me. That's if they take any
notice at all!'
As a parent it's easy for you to praise the child who's
doing well, but the child who's struggling needs as much -
no, needs more - praise and encouragement. And so often we
overlook this.
If you take the time to listen to your kids, to take their
interests and ideas seriously - even if they seem petty,
trivial or irrelevant - then you are investing heavily in
your children's emotional well-being.
Although many parents are becoming aware of the emotional
needs of children, some are a bit hazy when it comes to
their intellectual needs.
There's still a perception that those kids who do well at
school just happen to be the 'brainy' ones.
Yet a wide body of research suggests that school or
'academic' success will be determined by a child's positive
self-image AND by the stimulation and interaction the child
receives at home.
These affect the thought-processes of the child, and the
thought-processes (HOW the child thinks) are the tools used
in learning.
Kids who perform well at school consistently come from homes
where there's a lot of mental stimulation through play, a
variety of experiences, and interaction through discussion
and conversation.
Finally, if intellectual needs are hazy, there appears to be
downright confusion over spiritual needs.
That children have spiritual needs comes as a shock to some
parents, and others hotly dispute this need. This seems to
be because most people associate spiritual needs with
religion, but they are not necessarily related to religious
beliefs.
It's generally accepted in modern educational and clinical
psychology that we all have spiritual needs.
It's helpful to make your kids aware that there are greater
forces and powers at work in nature and in the universe, and
that their lives work best when they are in harmony with
these.
You can meet your kids' spiritual needs by participating in
your religion, but also by fostering a sense of awe and
wonder about the grandeur of the world.
Teach your children to respect nature and the life force
that permeates it.
On to this can be built an appreciation of the diversity and
variety of human lives and customs.
As a result your kids will grow up with a value system,
which when followed will lead to contentment and happiness.
A well-rounded individual, then, is one who's needs are met
in all the above categories: physical, emotional,
intellectual and spiritual.
Take action now to meet ALL your kid's basic needs. It's
never too late, but obviously the earlier you start, the
better. Your kids will be well-balanced and happy.
And you? Well, you'll be taking pride and pleasure in a job
well done!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. His writing includes children's fiction and motivational books for both teenagers and parents.If you want to further develop your parenting
confidence and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More
It used to strike me as odd - but really,... Read More
What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More
Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
What's new and effective in the treatment of Attention problems?... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More
When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More
Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I... Read More
My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
shuttle from Midway Munster are ..WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More
Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More
When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More
Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More
Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More
How on earth can you help your family cope with... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
There is a new stage of development for parents to... Read More
Parenting |