This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware of
the full extent of their child's basic needs.
Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney about
the girl leaving home after 'living alone for so many
years'? The parents were desolate. They'd given her
everything money could buy - so how could she possibly have
been lonely and unhappy?
Clearly, there were some needs that just weren't being met
at home, so the girl upped and left.
What are these basic needs we must be aware of if we're to
be effective parents?
There are four categories: physical, emotional, intellectual
and spiritual.
So often people overestimate the first category, physical
needs - but let's not underestimate them either! We all need
food and drink, warmth, clothing and shelter to protect us
from the elements.
These will sustain life, but by themselves they won't
promote positive relationships. Some parents, however,
shower their kids with material things in order to over-
compensate for the other areas.
And we all know that, despite their wealth, many of these
same kids are miserable. Their other needs are just not
being met.
Probably the most obvious of these other needs is emotional
in nature.
Love and affection are vital, but there's more to it.
Children need constant reassurance! When our personalities
are forming we are on the lookout for feedback, so that we
know what to accept and what to reject.
We also form our picture of ourselves from the feedback we
get from others, especially those who have 'significant'
roles in our lives: parents first, then siblings, relatives,
teachers, friends and so on.
The bottom line is that a child doesn't really know what to
make of himself until that feedback comes in.
And they make value judgements so quickly! 'Hey, I'm pretty
good at this, everbody tells me so!'
Or how about, 'Yeah, I guess I'm a pretty stupid, useless
person. They always laugh at me. That's if they take any
notice at all!'
As a parent it's easy for you to praise the child who's
doing well, but the child who's struggling needs as much -
no, needs more - praise and encouragement. And so often we
overlook this.
If you take the time to listen to your kids, to take their
interests and ideas seriously - even if they seem petty,
trivial or irrelevant - then you are investing heavily in
your children's emotional well-being.
Although many parents are becoming aware of the emotional
needs of children, some are a bit hazy when it comes to
their intellectual needs.
There's still a perception that those kids who do well at
school just happen to be the 'brainy' ones.
Yet a wide body of research suggests that school or
'academic' success will be determined by a child's positive
self-image AND by the stimulation and interaction the child
receives at home.
These affect the thought-processes of the child, and the
thought-processes (HOW the child thinks) are the tools used
in learning.
Kids who perform well at school consistently come from homes
where there's a lot of mental stimulation through play, a
variety of experiences, and interaction through discussion
and conversation.
Finally, if intellectual needs are hazy, there appears to be
downright confusion over spiritual needs.
That children have spiritual needs comes as a shock to some
parents, and others hotly dispute this need. This seems to
be because most people associate spiritual needs with
religion, but they are not necessarily related to religious
beliefs.
It's generally accepted in modern educational and clinical
psychology that we all have spiritual needs.
It's helpful to make your kids aware that there are greater
forces and powers at work in nature and in the universe, and
that their lives work best when they are in harmony with
these.
You can meet your kids' spiritual needs by participating in
your religion, but also by fostering a sense of awe and
wonder about the grandeur of the world.
Teach your children to respect nature and the life force
that permeates it.
On to this can be built an appreciation of the diversity and
variety of human lives and customs.
As a result your kids will grow up with a value system,
which when followed will lead to contentment and happiness.
A well-rounded individual, then, is one who's needs are met
in all the above categories: physical, emotional,
intellectual and spiritual.
Take action now to meet ALL your kid's basic needs. It's
never too late, but obviously the earlier you start, the
better. Your kids will be well-balanced and happy.
And you? Well, you'll be taking pride and pleasure in a job
well done!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. His writing includes children's fiction and motivational books for both teenagers and parents.If you want to further develop your parenting
confidence and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
A while ago I received this story from David in... Read More
IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young... Read More
You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
reliable maid service Wilmette ..I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses... Read More
Parenting |