Advising Teens? Getting Your Point Across

Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem. So how do you go about giving advice to a teen?

The short answer to this question is "don't". Now at first glance this probably sounds ridiculous, after all parents have more experience of life and most would agree that a parent's job is to pass this experience onto their children.

But the problem with giving advice is that it's really just a way of maintaining control. We often cover it up by saying we know what's best in the situation, we have the experience and knowledge, but in reality what we're saying is what we want to happen, this is what we want you to do.

Adolescence is a time for learning to self-manage, to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's an essential process if your teen is to become a well-adjusted, fully functioning adult ready for the 21st century. And a fundamental part of the process is handing over control to your teen.

For most parents this is a really scary thought. They're concerned over what will happen if they do, that if they give up some control it will mean they lose all control. They're concerned about what their teen will do, what happens if they get it wrong, they feel a need to protect their teen.

Firstly, handing over control at this stage is more about handing over responsibility and accountability on how to do something, not handing over total control. It's about letting your teen have an involvement in how to solve a particular problem, it's about teaching them problem solving skills. If you always provide the solution how will they ever learn to do it for themselves?

Secondly, your teen is very likely to get it 'wrong', to make mistakes and what is wrong about that? You're teaching them how to self-correct, just as they did when they first learned to ride a bike and kept falling off. Making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process; more learning comes from making mistakes than comes from getting it 'right'. How much does it really matter if they don't get it 'right' first time or choose the 'best' alternative?

Finally, is your solution the 'best'? It's easy to forget that our children are different to us when thinking about a solution to a problem. The solution may be the best one for you, but is it the best one for your teen?

Giving advice by telling teens what to do is only one way of passing on a parent's knowledge, there are other ways of achieving the same outcome and with a higher likelihood of success. And it's how you pass on that experience that makes the difference.

How to Get Your Point Across

  • Ask before you give. Always ask your teen if they want your advice before you start to give it. If they say, "yes please" then go ahead and have your say, if they say "no" respect their decision and keep quiet.

  • Question their intent. If your teen has refused advice, ask them specific questions about how they're going to handle the situation. Asking questions about smaller 'parts' of the problem is a way to at least get your teen to think about what's involved.

  • Provide information instead. Directing your teen to a source of information that's neutral allows your teen access to information without having to agree to your point of view.

  • Give your teen time. Just because your teen hasn't given you an immediate answer to your question doesn't mean they're ignoring it. Give them time to go away and think about the answers.

  • Highlight their qualities. Reminding teens of their strengths will focus their minds on choosing options that make the best of them. Focus on their weaknesses and they're likely to lose confidence in doing anything.

  • Listen to your teen. Often just listening to your teen without interrupting will show you that you don't even need to give advice; your teen already has a solution.

    How well do you listen to your teen? Why not find out by taking my listening quiz aimed at parents of children over eleven.

    Carol Shepley has been involved with young people for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website listening quiz so that parents can help their children become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.

    green cleaning service Glencoe ..
    In The News:

    Fake buyers demand specific vehicle reports from unknown sites to steal credit card information from car sellers, but warning signs can help identify these scams before paying.
    Android users can now manage apps across multiple devices more easily with Google Play Store's updated remote uninstall button in the latest update.
    NASA's Perseverance rover discovers shiny metallic rock on Mars that could be a meteorite from an ancient asteroid, containing high levels of iron and nickel.
    Holiday scams spike during Black Friday and Cyber Monday as criminals exploit your leaked personal data. Learn how to protect yourself from fake stores and phishing.
    Commerce Department proposes TP-Link router ban over Chinese security risks. Learn how this potential prohibition could affect your home network and devices.
    Hyundai AutoEver America suffered a data breach affecting 2,000 current and former employees, exposing names, Social Security numbers and driver's license information.
    Washington court rules automated license plate reader images are public records, even when stored by vendors like Flock Safety, setting precedent for transparency.
    Fake airline texts claiming flight cancellations are targeting travelers with convincing scams. Learn how cybercriminals steal personal data and credit card info.
    Discover how iOS 26's new Adaptive Power feature automatically extends iPhone battery life by learning your usage patterns and adjusting performance intelligently.
    New TikTok malware campaign tricks users into running PowerShell commands that download Aura Stealer, which steals credentials and authentication tokens.
    Gaia Family offers fixed upfront pricing for IVF cycles with unlimited embryo transfers and financial protection, partnering with over 100 U.S. fertility clinics.
    The Jetsons Act aims to position Pennsylvania as a leader in advanced air mobility by establishing regulations for hybrid ground-air vehicles.
    Fake Geek Squad invoice emails are targeting users with convincing charges and urgent phone numbers to steal personal information and money.
    Fox News Digital's artificial intelligence newsletter digs into a robot in Russia that faceplanted, George Clooney's alarm and OpenAI's rivalry with the New York Times.
    Major data breach at Conduent exposes personal information of 10+ million people. Government contractor hit by cyberattack affecting Medicaid, child support systems.
    Texas startup Janta Power raises $5.5M for innovative vertical solar towers that generate 50% more energy than traditional panels while using just one-third the land.
    NASA's twin ESCAPADE spacecraft launched aboard Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket Thursday afternoon from Cape Canaveral, beginning their journey to Mars with arrival expected in 2027.
    Learn how to set email reminders on iPhone and Android so you never forget to reply again. Simple built-in features help you stay organized and on top of messages.
    Discover how Apple's passkeys revolutionize Mac security by replacing vulnerable passwords with biometric authentication and encryption for ultimate protection.
    New survey reveals 78% of parents fear AI scams targeting their kids, yet nearly half haven't discussed these threats. Learn why this dangerous gap exists.
    Chrome now autofills passport and driver's license info automatically. Google's latest browser update adds official document support with encryption and user control.
    Scammers impersonate Department of Veterans Affairs employees claiming veterans owe money, but real VA communications only direct to VA.gov or official channels.
    The AltoVolo Sigma hybrid-electric aircraft flies 500 miles at 220 mph while operating 80% quieter than helicopters, featuring safety systems and compact design.
    Google search scam alert: fake customer service numbers can give scammers remote control of your phone. Learn how to spot these traps and protect yourself.
    Electric vehicles overtake gas cars in total CO2 savings after just two years of driving, with emissions benefits growing over time as power grids get cleaner.
  • Raise Your Child to Be a Leader Not a Follower

    Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More

    Parenting Your Teenager: The 4 Ds of Time with Family

    How would you like to have more time? Of course... Read More

    Mom vs. Dad: Navigating Parenting Differences With All Good Intentions

    Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure.... Read More

    Is a Mothers Love, Medicine?

    Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More

    The Safest Stuffed Toys for the Kids on your Gift List

    Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More

    Some Good News About Blended Families

    They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More

    Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children

    "Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More

    Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids

    Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More

    Friendships - Helping Children Develop Friendship Skills

    Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More

    Homework Help for the Attention Deficit Child

    Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More

    Treatment Options for ADHD

    Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More

    10 Things You Can Do To Help A Shy Child

    There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More

    Bath Time Fun

    Bath time can be fun or it can be a... Read More

    Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves

    'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More

    School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School?

    This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More

    Theres Never a Bad Time To Start Helping To Spread The Word of God

    Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More

    Sharing Books with Children

    One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More

    From Childrens Stories to Study Skills: Help Your Children Succeed in School

    IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More

    How to Give Your Child Encyclopedic Knowledge?

    When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More

    My Husband Prioritizes Making Money Above Family Time

    "Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything... Read More

    Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns

    Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More

    Cyber Parenting 101

    Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they... Read More

    Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

    When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More

    What Do You Do When Your Child is Smarter than You?

    We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More

    7 Powerful Ways to Show Love to Children

    Our children are our most important legacy to the world.... Read More

    house cleaning company Bannockburn ..