Parents are always looking for ways to open up the communication with their teenagers. Here are 5 ideas that are all within your control. Some may represent an attitude shift, some are tactics you can apply; all have the potential to dramatically improve the communication between you and your teen.
1.) Stephen Covey has provided us with some of the best advice for improving all communication: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."* This is especially helpful to apply to your communication with your teens.
Parents have a tendency to react quickly sometimes, and this can work against your desires to improve communication. Your child comes home with "D" on a Spanish test. Before you jump too quickly, ask what happened. Your new driver is late for curfew. You are pacing and sick with worry. It's easy to jump down her throat when she comes in the door, even if you are relieved to see her. Listen to her first. Not only can you save face, she learns that you will listen to her and respect what she has to say.
2.) "Be there" despite rejection
Sometimes parents' feelings are hurt if it feels like their teenager is rejecting them. These dynamics may be a natural part of the process; as teens learn to stand on their own and develop a reliance on their own decisions, parents can feel a sense of rejection? and sometimes parents pout or turn away feeling as though they are not needed. But even through these hurt feelings we must continue to reach out to our kids. They are in the midst of dramatic developmental shifts, they are sometimes overwhelmed with the events, feelings, changes that are part of their life. Parents need to "be there" ? reaching out, letting them know they are loved, no matter what. Don't misread their cues by minimizing your communication; continue to "be there" because they need you more than ever.
3.) Listen with your heart; trust your intuition
You trusted your intuition when your child was young. Remember that conversation with the doctor when you knew he had an ear infection even though the exam didn't show it? Parents of teenagers sometimes allow stereotypes about teenagers to carry more weight than their own intuition. Don't let this happen to you. Even though your teenager is changing, you still know him better than anybody else does. If your intuition tells you he's still a good kid, don't fall into the trap of distrusting him. If your intuition tells you something is wrong, take action and get help. You need to trust all your faculties and to develop the ability to "listen" on all available wave lengths.
4.) Go ahead and Negotiate ? it's good!
It's perfectly appropriate for parents with teenagers to negotiate with them. Teens deserve the opportunity to have input into the rules that apply to them. As they mature the rules change, and their ability to negotiate gives you insight into your child's level of maturity. This is valuable information for you. You are also helping your teenager develop important life skills.
Negotiation is also good because it requires parents to examine the rules they are applying and to intentionally and thoughtfully change them as teens develop. This doesn't mean that you cave in to pressure or that you allow them freedom that doesn't feel right. But it does mean you discuss the rules and the reasons behind them.
5.) Sometimes indirect communication works best Not all teenagers can sit down for heart-to-heart talks. In fact, probably very few can. How do parents cover sensitive ground when kids won't stop long enough to even talk? Get comfortable with indirect communication. Write a note, a letter, an e-mail. Plan a short conversation when your teen is in the car with you. They listen to everything you say even if they don't look like it. You may need to give them time to absorb what you are saying without having to respond to you. Get used to indirect communication, it's often the most effective way with teens.
*Covey,Stephen, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
? 2004 Sue Blaney
Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride, a book/workbook/program that guides parents to examine the range of issues they are likely to face. For information on this unique and flexible resource visit our website http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com
tidy up service Glenview ..No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More
(Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event)You have to... Read More
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention... Read More
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More
As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal... Read More
This past holiday season Canadians spent over $45 billion-with parents... Read More
Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits.... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
Isn't the technology of today is amazing?! Between the speed... Read More
Though you can cover even very long distances by car... Read More
maid service near Winnetka ..Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More
In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More
Most of our Founding Fathers, including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams,... Read More
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More
With the beginning of the new school year coming VERY... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More
We are all so very happy to see that the... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More
Parenting |