Is it possible to be using our children addictively?
Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction ? even our children! If your children are your whole life ? if you don't have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you.
If you don't have a partner or your relationship with your partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don't have deeply connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using your kids as your major emotional connection. If you don't have hobbies or work that are compelling and fulfilling to you, you might be using your children to give meaning to your life. If you don't have a daily spiritual practice that brings love and comfort to your soul, you might be using your children to fill this need.
If this is what you are doing, it is not good for your children. It is a huge burden on children to be responsible for their parent's loneliness and sense of purpose. Children who feel this responsibility often become caretakers, giving themselves up to take care of a parent. On the other hand, a child burdened with this responsibility may rebel and distance from the parent, spending less and less time at home to avoid the burden of the parent's emptiness.
I grew up as an only child with a mother who had nothing fulfilling in her life ? other than me. Her whole focus was on me, and because I couldn't possibly fill her up in the way she needed to be filled, she was often angry at me. I became a good little girl, a good caretaker of my mother, but the result was that I was a nervous and unhappy child, and wanted to be away from my house as much as possible.
Our children need to be a part of our life, not our whole life. We need to role-model for them what it looks like to take personal responsibility for filling ourselves up. We need to show them what it looks like to take responsibility for making ourselves happy, rather than rely on them for our happiness. Your children want to know that they are important to you, but not so important that your well-being is dependent upon them. You might want to explore the following questions to see if you may be using your children addictively:
If you answered "yes" to these, then you are probably not using your children addictively.
If you answered "yes" to one or more of these, then there is a good possibility that you are using your children addictively. If this is the case, the best thing you can do for you and your children is to move yourself toward a solid spiritual practice, look for meaningful ways of expressing your talents, and develop emotional connection and support from other adults.
About The Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or http://www.innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
Chicago limo Skokie ..Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More
Corolle Paul or Emma Drink-and-Wet SET potty dollsThis is the... Read More
The public school system in America has become a dismal... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More
Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More
It's among the top criticism wives have of their husbands:... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it... Read More
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
limo O'Hare Bonfield ..It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
It was at that time when our marriage was falling... Read More
When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know... Read More
From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
Memorizing math facts is a necessary part of elementary school.... Read More
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent... Read More
No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
One of the most powerful tools that parents have for... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More
If there are any parents reading this who are thinking... Read More
AD/HD (attention deficit disorder) is one of the most common... Read More
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More
It is so important to create an environment that promotes... Read More
Parenting |